What are the chronic illness thoughts you have on any given day?

I know a lot of the answers because I asked and you shared.

In The Emotional Side of Illness I shared many of my own. Those days don’t seem like they were long ago, but by the grace of God, I am never in a place left to think and feel them any longer. 

Even still, I do remember the thoughts, emotions, and daily “drain” that go along with them.

Letting You Share and Vent

I don’t keep A Gutsy Girl going for me; I keep it going for you, mostly anyways.

My journey and why for A Gutsy Girl went like this: got sick, shared the illness(es), started healing (shared the experiences), healed (provided help and community).

What I have learned is that it’s very hard to heal in a silo. Healing happens in a more meaningful way when you do it with others. Having the support of others who get it is priceless.

When you read through the chronic illness thoughts people shared via Instagram, you’ll feel it, too.

Yes, this is where you belong, darling.

Chronic Illness Thoughts

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Normal, SIBO, Exhausted

1. Will I ever feel normal?
2. Wondering what’s causing the bloating and gurgling in my gut. Is the SIBO coming back? Or it is in response to probiotics or a gut repair supplement or FODMAPs etc 🤷🏻‍♀️
3. I’m so exhausted. I’m so tired of feeling so tired. Why does everyone around me keep moving forward in life and I’m stuck here in chronic fatigue feeling misunderstood. Why do I have to struggle so much? If I were healthy I could do fun things like build my career, and go out of the house to meet new friends, and date…I feel so unheard and lonely. Why do the sick single people have to be so alone while sick married people get to be cared for by family and friends? What if my destiny is to be chronically ill for life? How will I encourage people to remain hopeful in their journeys when my pain is never lifting?

Eating, Bloat, and Fatigue

1. Ugh this sucks, why did I have to end up with this (which I’ve been really mindful recently about stopping bc moping around in self pity wont doing ANYTHING good for me)
   Is this gonna give me diarrhea too?! This is too hard I can barely eat anything anymore everything has gluten. This is complicated I wish I could eat something without making sure it’s vegan GF first. They’re annoyed with me for asking all these questions like is this gluten free? is this vegan? Ok what about this??
2. Wait why am I bloated today what did I do/eat? Leads to an hour of analyzing my life situation lol. Also wondering if this will rule my life forever!
3. I wish I could have slept. I’m so tired, how will I get through the day? I’m dizzy again, will I get a mini panic attack while driving or at work because I feel like I’m gonna faint? I wish this pain would go away. And I want to eat that but I’m afraid I’ll have a reaction when I’m at work. I wish people wouldn’t comment about the food choices I need to make. Feeling like such a burden to everyone around me. If I could just get a grip on my health I could be so much more independent. I’m so crabby and I wish people could understand it’s because how emotionally and physically exhausted I am from trying so hard to turn my health around. Not another day, I can’t do this one more day I’m just soooooo tired. Why is everyone else fine? Why hasn’t my method of healing worked for me? I’ve tried everything. Will someone just come rescue me from this pain?

Fears, Cause, Information

1. My fear is I’ll always have gut issues 😔
2. What was it that caused THAT? Will I ever heal and eat normal? How do I explain this to friends, lovers, anyone? I’m not picky, I’m carefully navigating healing. I don’t trust you body.
3. Everything is going wrong. I’ve got too much conflicting info. Where do I start!!!
4. Why can’t I just eat like a normal person?” “They probably think I’m not really sick (when I call out sick due to IBS)” “I wish I could have something wrong with me that doesn’t require me to leave my classroom to take care of it” “I wish I didn’t have to starve myself to get through my work day.
5. I just want to get back to normal again. Why is the healing process taking forever? When can I work out again? Will I ever not be hyper-vigilant about my gut health? Why do I think too much? I know these foods won’t bother me, but why am I still scared to eat them? Why was this situation so traumatic for me?

Advice, Thinking, Overthinking

1. Will people stop telling me that I should see a nutritionist, as if I haven’t tried millions of things already ?
2. Will this make me sick? Today? Tomorrow? How much can I eat of it? Why do I feel nauseous again? I have to stop for a coke (only thing that consistently helps, I know how bad it is for ms). I wonder if they will have anything I can eat. I’m starving, nothing sounds good, fine I’ll eat that, nope gag reflex. No I’m not eating that just because I’m on vacation. Yes, I’ll go, that sounds fun…nope sorry I have to cancel I don’t feel well, I’m too tired. Great, I look 4 months pregnant. I stop eating an hour later I feel so full I could burst. I’m going to take a nap. I cannot stay awake another minute, nevermind that it’s 3pm. I just need to lay down, the nausea is so bad.
3. Ugh, my stomach hurts, my stomach hurts, my stomach hurts.

Motivation, Trusting, Root Cause

1. When will i actually have motivation and energy? I feel like everyone thinks I’m just lazy. They’re judging me. Only like 3 people in the world understand. How do people live their whole lives like this?! Ugh.
2. How the hell can I get this Candida under control without depriving myself for months on end?! I’ve been fighting it for over a year now and it persists. Having faith, consistency and trusting the process is a huge challenge.
3. What is my root cause? The fact that I was born by c-section? Babyhood trauma in the NICU? My tongue tie? The extinction sleep training I received as a toddler? A food poisoning at some point? Parasites? Trauma and adhesions from my own births( c-sections)? All of the above?? Where do I continue to address this thing? Will this low fodmap eating kill me sooner? How come I don’t feel healthier after working so hard trying to heal? There are no skilled holistic doctors in my area, and I am staying home with my kids. Who can I even trust to help me along?

Effective, Endings

1. My continuous thought stream has to do with – what else can I do to do better? Is this diet working or not? What’s causing this (or that) symptom? Is my medication working or do I need something else? Why am I having symptoms – I’m doing everything supposedly right?
2. Will I ever be normal?
3. Uh why am I bloated again” “what did I eat this time” “why is my stomach so sore” “I can’t eat that” “I shouldn’t eat that but I will… 3hours later… why did I eat that?” “Will I ever be better?” “will I ever be able to eat normally?” “I guess I’ll have to cancel tonight’s plans again” “will people stop judging me one day?”
4. Why is a SIBO so dang hard to get rid of 😩I spend most of my time dreaming about good I hope to eat again
5. When will this end?

Thank you for sharing! 

Remember, you will heal and I will help. 

Have anything to add? Comment with it below.

If you like this post, you might also enjoy:

1. Chronic Disease Support
2. Self-Healing Letters
3. The perfect space to write out your daily thoughts….

Xox,
SKH