I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve written about change on my blog.
There was The Change We Resist when I talked about those changes we resist and how they always persist. And then the post about Seasons Change, when I decided to stop working full-time and stay at home with Samarah full-time (it was right for that season, not this season.) I’ve also written about change, posing the question, “Does Change Mean a Loss?” That was one of my most favorite posts about change, by the way.
Quite honestly, if you type “change” into the search bar on my blog, you’ll find posts upon posts that focus on the word change.
Most recently, I mentioned in Samarah’s fourth birthday post, “….but I’ve been mourning so many changes and you turning four today is kind of the kickoff to them all.”
The next change happens this today, and it’s one that feels odd yet so very real.
It’s the same feeling I had when our IVF cycle ended. I went months and months and months leaning on my IVF doctor. She was incredible. She held my hand through not only the IVF cycle but all treatments and procedures prior to the culmination. The day the embryos were taken and placed in incubation, she emailed me frequently to provide status updates on them. No, we weren’t “friends,” but we formed a relationship – at least I formed one with her – that felt very “needed” at the time.
So when IVF failed and I knew for 1,000% that I was not meant to be a mama via IVF, I felt a sadness for letting go of that relationship.
Today, I feel that same way about the end of all communication (at least necessary communication) with Amiya’s social worker. I have spent the last year getting to know her, and watching as she always went to bat for us. She helped me work through all current (Amiya) issues, and she even helped me embrace and feel better about the next change coming in our lives.
It’s weird how much of a mainstay people and places become. You never realize just how much someone or something means until it’s the end, and until change must happen.
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But without change….
A caterpillar cannot become a butterfly.
Winter cannot become spring.
Seeds cannot become flowers and/or food.
A failed IVF cycle could not have yielded these 3 beautiful babies.
Not all changes are happy changes, at least not immediately. But I have never gone through a change in life where, at some point, I didn’t look back and say, “thank God for change.”
And it’s funny because I was almost finished writing this post when my life’s guiding mantra flashed before me – yet again – as it always does.
Everything is beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11
Things change, but time heals, and to every thing there is a season.
The change today means a goodbye, but it also means a hello – hello to forever with Amiya the bee.
I found this image on Instagram last year, and as today is the first day of fall, and changes are looming everywhere, I thought it was perfectly appropriate to share.
There is a chance I struggle with change, or maybe just the transition, for the rest of my life.
And yet still, deep down, I believe with all my soul that in time, everything is truly beautiful.
See you tonight when you’ll meet Amiya Kaylee Hoffman (and the 12-minute video I made – Lord help us all)! I’ll try to snap some Insta Stories throughout the day.
You will heal. I will help.