In October, I told you all about my 5 nasty stages which lead to destroyed hormones, and in it, I mentioned insane fitness and diet patterns.
I was reading old blog posts recently, and I came across one (from when I blogged via Blogger) from Sunday, April 26, 2009.
(All of the below was prior to me going to The Institute for Integrative Nutrition and truly becoming consumed with and by true healing and wellness, which in and of itself, was a journey.)
Insane Fitness and Diet
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The post was titled, Weekly Fitness “To-Do’s” and in it, I listed out my weekly fitness to do list from April 27 – May 3, 2009. Here was the list, verbatim:
- Full Body/Circuit
- Full Body/Circuit #2 OR Misc. Weight/Circuit
- Misc. Full Body (Ball, Band, Cables)
- Yoga – Tuesday – Neera
- Abs – Tuesday – Sallie
- Abs – Thursday – Sallie
- 20 min. HIIT
- 20 min. HIIT
- Cardio: 25-45 min.
- Cardio: 60 min. – San Francisco Run
- Spinning – Monday – Christina (30 min. only)
- Park Workout
- Park Workout #2
I literally had to read the post a few times to be sure I wasn’t talking about an entire month or more because I could not believe I felt the need to complete all of those in just 7 days.
Furthermore, I listed out everything I had eaten that day (which was typical for me back then on any given day). It looked like this, verbatim (for the record, most of these foods surely did nothing for my gut healing efforts):
- 1/4 c. Steel Cut Oats with Flax Seed, Spirulina, Aloe Vera, Fish Oil and Stevia
- 1/2 Fruit Fusion Bar
- (Peets Coffee) 1/2 of a small with Unsweetened rice milk and Stevia (yes, I had a tiny coffee)
- Magic Mineral Broth
- 2 tiny organic apples
- Organic Raw Carrots
- Fruit Fusion Bar
- Mung Dal Kitcheree
- Organic Spring Mix + Collard Greens + Garlic + Lemon + Sea Salt
- Flax Seed + Olive Oil
I feel a slight amount of nausea even sharing this with you because it disgusts me.
How did I ever think that was okay? Why did I find any of it to be some sort of badge of honor? There is zero honor in exhaustion, and truth be told I should actually be shocked that I have come out on this end as well as I did, considering that was only mid-way through the disaster?
I am living the repercussions today. I told you all about it in an honest conversation yesterday.
In a recent article, Health and Fitness has become a Religion, Nia Shanks states,
Health and fitness is a growing religion, and many are losing sight of what truly matters. They’re spending hours per day obsessing over food and combing the internet for the latest fad diet or trick for eating fewer calories.
I’ve lived on both sides. I’ve spent years of my life spending every waking moment obsessing over my next meal. Refusing to miss a single workout for any reason.
And this, too, was me.
I’ve lived on both sides.
One side lead to the demise of my hormones that I will, unfortunately, live with for the rest of my life. That side is a dark and lonely place that you won’t even know is dark and lonely until it’s oftentimes too late.
Today I live on the other side, and can I be honest with you again? Sometimes I’m so filled with happiness and gratitude for a major shift in my life that I could cry. Just prior to the SIBO setback, I was telling Ryan this on a nearly daily basis…..
My life has been changed. I eat freely, and my workouts are empowering.
I have healed mentally, but physically it’s still going to be a very long road.
And maybe this is okay because,
When gravel roads are all you’ve ever known, you learn to find beauty in the dust.
You will heal. I will help.