Yesterday Colitis won. I woke up with aches and pains all over. I thought I had the flu, but I knew that it was not, in fact, the flu because I did have an insane appetite (typical with my flare ups). Colitis – 1 Gutsy – 0.

I have gone 8+ months without grains, nightshades, legumes (except peanuts, obviously), dairy (except raw), soy and anything with added artificial ingredients or preservatives.

But traveling is hard – traveling is real hard. And I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t tell you the truth that 100% perfection is not reality. I also wouldn’t be doing you a favor if I pretended that what you eat and how you live isn’t affecting the way you feel. {I am living proof that it is.}

When I was in Minnesota, I was fine. I had a grocery store and a fully-stocked fridge. I always make that work, no exceptions. But when I was in Orange County living out of a suitcase, suddenly the options grew slim and my desire to be “normal” magnified.

Colitis – 1 Gutsy – 0.

I ate like a “normal” person Friday, Saturday and Sunday at Natural Food Expo. This included: grains, nightshades, legumes, dairy, soy and Lord knows an artificial thing or two. Don’t fool yourself, the “natural” industry isn’t all clean, Organic and superior. I know this for a fact. I live and breathe and will die in this industry, so I’m aware of what some manufacturers’ get by with in proclaiming “natural.”

Anyways, not shame on them (at least not this past weekend). I have to take full responsibility. And I hate it.

Colitis - 1 Gutsy = 0. #autoimmune

Yesterday began my “official” 11-week half-marathon training program. I had high hopes for the big ‘ole kickoff. Even with the stomach ache, joint pain, fatigue, and aches, I forced myself to the gym. This is not something I’d normally do, but it was my kickoff….I don’t make excuses when I have a goal at hand. Yesterday’s workout was supposed to be a 30 minute easy run with 6 strides at the end, along with a small shoulder workout.

I made the run until 21:30 in. At that point, I got the chills, with stomach cramps. Someone could’ve punched me, and I’d know no difference. I got off the treadmill, headed to the bathroom and waited for something to happen. Nothing. I walked out of the bathroom, and I ran into my friend Marissa. She saw my agony and the goosebump-sleeved arms I wore and said, “Be done for today.” I told her I had 9 minutes left (at the very least). I could walk it.

I intended to do just that, but almost immediately after I told her that, I got really sick. I stayed that way the rest of the night.

Ryan is so good to me. He gave me a foot massage at night and made me dinner (spinach + grass-fed burger + coconut oil). He propped up pillows all around me so I could still hold the baby. He rocked her to sleep.

I am frustrated that after 8 months I’m still nowhere healed in the way that I thought I would be healed.

I am frustrated that I do everything right (I know this because for 8 months I have felt phenomenal), but that in a matter of a few days I can get myself so sick.

I am frustrated that traveling with an autoimmune condition is so damn difficult.

I am frustrated that my choices will find me struggling in some way, shape or form for at least the next 2-3 weeks. (Side note: I’m already feeling so much better today. I have every intention of ‘re-doing” the workout from yesterday 🙂 )

Colitis beat me yesterday, and it was my reminder for why I discipline myself in the way I do.

We can’t live in a bubble, but I’m tired of these instances of defeat. And even still….

When gravel roads are all you’ve ever known, you learn to find beauty in the dust.


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  1. Oh trust me, I completely understand what you go through day in, day out! The hardest part is at the Natural Food Expo, people are shoving food in your face left and right, and you can NEVER be too sure what it is exactly!!! But of course, it all looks pretty tempting and you think, “it’s just a little piece” – but that little piece will get you! I luckily did not experience any pain, I was VERY selective in my snacking and if fact, when I left Friday evening, I was hungry for dinner – unlike the people I went with.

    I am pretty bummed I did not get to meet you – and even see 1/2 of the EXPO in general. Alas my phone died about 10 minutes into the EXPO and I was too engrossed in all the crazy amounts of products to CHARGE IT! I hope you had a great time! 🙂 And I know in the future we will meet!

    1. oh friends, i can relate. It’s quite difficult. I need an extra week to recover. But you are right, we can’t live in a bubble. Day by day you get better. It took me 2 years to finally be able to travel without my colon bursting. I have a different situation though, think anatomy of the colon. OYE!

  2. Gutsy should have more than 0 points….in my book she does anyways. Allow room for grace and for everything you have accomplished. I am endlessly impressed with your self discipline and determination. It seems that you are graining such strides on Colitis. Heal up and get back to it…

  3. I just got back from AZ and even in a restaurant that had a GF menu…the staff still got things wrong and tried to convince me I could eat a FLOUR tortilla. If it doesn’t say it contains gluten it’s gluten free…right??? WRONG. It is very hard to live the “normal life” when you have to put your trust in others. We all fail… but it’s what you do when you fail that defines who you are. You went out running. THAT shows who you really are. 🙂

    1. Perhaps you should start a business where you go into restaurants and teach them about what “gluten” is:) Thanks for the great thoughts!

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