Today I’m sharing about a Gutsy momma and wife.
SKH Note: When Kelly reached out, I felt an instant connection to her. She wanted to tell her story, and while this is nowhere near a traditional “gutsy” story, it is gutsy. Ladies, remember -> you are the SUPERWOMAN in your life.
These powers shine through in so many different ways and situations. You all have a story. Many of you will be able to connect and relate with Kelly’s story, and others of you will trigger a response to tell your own, very different, yet very SUPER, story. Remember, contact me if you want to be featured!
Gutsy Momma and Wife
Last February, I sat at the family table with the glow of the kitchen behind me. The aroma of coffee slowly crept about the room. It smelled great. One of my cats, the noisy, hairy, needy one, stared at me from across the table. She sat patiently waiting for our morning gab to begin. My better half was already at work; my dry, tired eyes were straining to focus on the words I typed in the dark.
At last, with a sip of hot coffee, my brain began to form coherent thoughts, my mind began to race. I was in such a transitional stage of my life, but who isn’t I suppose. Still, I couldn’t help but reflect. My husband and I made a decision to drastically alter our lives as we currently knew them. It was a good decision; I felt very positive about it. But my mind began to drift; I wondered if this is what an acid trip was like? Dreamy thoughts and visions took shape, the colors and images were vibrant, so amazing, just as comfort set in from the wildly amazing colors of happiness, they seem to morph into the face of a scary madman lurking in the corner….hmmm, I should have gone back to sleep. As much as I thought our new direction was well planned out, I began to wonder, for even the best laid plans….
A wise guy (literally wise and thoughtful – he’s definitely not part of the mob) counseled me while I was going through a bit of personal turmoil, “Get a plan together, work your plan, edit your plan as needed, then work it some more…just like shampooing your hair – lather, rinse, repeat.” Sounded so simple – only this wise guy didn’t quite know what my new plan entailed.
Reflecting further, some not-so-wonderful memories take shape. About 8 months prior, my husband of 5 years and I separated. But not just the separation where you’re having problems and one of you moves to an apartment across town. No, this was a separation of more than one thousand miles. And although we had been disconnected for months, the actual thousand mile separation was a shock and something that I did not deal with well at all. The feeling of rejection and failure were hard to shake.
Thankfully the miles only separated us for about four months, during that time, the emotional gap we once felt, vaporized. We worked hard to build a moat of protection for our castle that holds our hearts. But before the ‘relationship vacation’ (as a friend put it) ended, the feeling of uncertainty and hopelessness stung me.
Somehow, we’ve managed to do what we weren’t able to do before the separation. We were able to take a step back and take responsibility for what we had control over. We had many conversations about the ‘should-could-would haves’.
Then we flat out made a decision that the life we have built together is a wonderful life worth fighting to keep alive.
Last February when I thought about our separation, my eyes filled with tears, my heart heavy and I had a lump in my throat. Why did we have to get that far apart to realize we don’t want to ever be that far apart? I may never be able to answer that question.
I often heard while growing up that the best lessons are learned from our biggest mistakes. In a world of hate, violence and constant negativity, I personally have fought for a long time to find the positive in negative situations.
Unfortunately though, for quite some time it was difficult for me to pick out the positive pieces of this experience. This experience brought about unwanted opinions, and metaphoric thick grapevines appeared, gossip seeped through and sloppy vicious words were spoken about our personal turmoil. Yet, I emerged a stronger person and found a way to cut the poison out, focusing on these tremendously bright blessings in my life.
Ultimately, I know it’s up to me to fulfill my own happiness. But, I feel the most whole and complete in the company of my small family.
Valuable Lessons I’ve Learned
- Being a work in progress is A-OKAY!
- I don’t know it all, definitely don’t have it all figured out, nor do I need to.
- Even if I walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, hell – even if I ran a marathon in their sneakers, I will probably never understand what it is they are feeling or dealing with… I am in no place to judge other people, which is such a humbling feeling.
Perhaps the best lesson I learned from this entire experience: while planning is a great tool and most often necessary, it’s not necessary to put your life’s dreams and ambitions on hold to wait for enough money, the right season, or because of other’s opinions or experiences.
At the end of the day or the top of the morning, it is what it is – my life is mine to live, I am on my own path and am happy to forge ahead with the people I can count on one hand. I’m excited, challenged and scared, but together (with some work) I know we continue to conquer the world, our way. I once thought this little plaque in my kitchen was corny and silly. Now I read it every day and smile. It says,
We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
Last February, we were a family of three, and this February – we are FOUR…I am so in love with all of them.
Because of them, I am a one gutsy mama!
Interested in more “life” information? Check out A THYME FOR MILK AND HONEY HERE.
You will heal. I will help.