Wherever You Are

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Wherever you are, just be there.

Ryan is coming back from Minnesota today. He and Amiya have been gone since Thursday. Y’all know what that means, right? I’ve been super messy, carefree and doing basically zero housework, so when he steps in the house, he’s going to cringe. It’s true…..Ryan is the clean, organized one, and I’m all, meh…..whatever. So there’s that.

He and Maya left early in the morning on Thursday. I hugged and kissed my sweet girl and told her to have fun with all the family she would be spoiled by. That night after work, it was just Samarah, Isaiah, and I. It was quiet, and things seemed easier. Not a whole lot, but the reduction of just one child made a huge difference.

Friday after work, my friend Jen, her husband and little boy all joined us at the pool. We swam, ate dinner, and then hung out to let the kids play a little more. I remember last summer when it was just Samarah and Isaiah, I rarely ever took them to the pool alone. At the time, it all seemed too hard. 

Saturday morning arrived, and shortly after we all woke up, I took Isaiah to Elisabeth’s for the day. We have had it planned a couple weeks now, but after I dropped him off, it was down to just Samarah and I. I had been looking forward to Saturday for about a week, telling Sam all week that it would be her special day with just she and I. We went to the farmer’s market then grabbed coffee (again with Jen and family), ran errands, got pedicures (Samarah just got her toes painted – pink like mama, duh!), went to lunch, then played in the pool until about 5:30 pm when Elisabeth brought Isaiah back. The day flew by, and it was incredibly awesome. And so, so easy.

Elisabeth and I took Samarah and Isaiah to our community concert in the park, and later that night after she left, the kids and I were all exhausted from the day so we were out super fast.

Because I have absolutely zero commitments these days on Sunday mornings – no long runs (well except for that half marathon I have to do this upcoming Sunday – ha), no “must blog” sessions, no workouts (been trying to take one full day off – Sunday usually), no work, nothing – Samarah, Isaiah, and I slept in until 7 am, then got up, went to church, and enjoyed the entire day together. 

The weekend was busy, so Isaiah was in bed before 7 pm, and Samarah was lazy until her own bedtime.

Wherever You Are

The house was quiet, and I started thinking about Amiya. I missed her, and I wanted her added back into our daily lives.

There was a time when I thought having one child was hard. And then two were hard. And then three seemed nearly impossible. And then you have three like boom, boom, pow, and quickly that just becomes the norm. 

But then one leaves for a few days and two seems so easy. Then another leaves for a day, and you feel like Superwoman with just one child. 

And then the real kicker…..somewhere, in the midst of having one less and then another less, you don’t feel right. You miss the noise (dare I even say it). You miss the giggles. You miss the fighting. You miss the laughing. You miss the mess. You miss the large meals. You miss bedtime. You miss the, “mama, mom, mommy, maaaaaammmmmmaaaa.”

You miss it all.

During these past few years I’ve had to stand back and say, “Well, it’s all relative.” I’ve had to say that these are not the hard things. I have felt the need to over dramatize and under dramatize all the life feels with one child, then two, and three. I never wanted to be seen as weak even when it all does seem too hard – like really hard, nor have I wanted to be seen as strong when, truth be told, most days I don’t feel it these days with three little children.

But here’s what hit me during these past few days and this beautiful weekend of allowing myself to just be in the moment, think what I want to think, and feel what I want to feel……

Wherever you are, just be there.

Wherever you are and whatever you are feeling is okay. Those feelings are not dependent on anyone else because someone, somewhere is in a “better” season of life and a “worse” season of life. 

Getting used to the first child after years of only focusing on oneself is a huge adjustment. It’s hard. When it seemed like Samarah and Isaiah would break me, and even a day at the pool alone with them was too hard, I should have just let it be. It was hard for me then. And when I have one who needs help in the bathroom, another having a meltdown because he wants to be let into said bathroom, and a third screaming because I’m not holding her, that is hard. Hard for me, maybe not for you or anyone else.

Going through these daily motions is not easy or hard compared to anyone else or any other season of our lives.

It is only easy or hard compared to the here and now, you and you alone.

And it’s all okay.

Wherever you are, just be there.

p.s. Yes, Reagan falls asleep near Samarah whenever she can. And yes, Samarah and I were having a dance party on Saturday. And yes my kids rarely are clothed appropriately. And yes, Isaiah is a ham bone. I love it all so much, and I can’t wait until Maya is back today to join in this chaos!

Xox,
SKH