Colitis – 1 Gutsy – 0

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Yesterday Colitis won. I woke up with aches and pains all over. I thought I had the flu, but I knew that it was not, in fact, the flu because I did have an insane appetite (typical with my flare ups). Colitis – 1 Gutsy – 0.

I have gone 8+ months without grains, nightshades, legumes (except peanuts, obviously), dairy (except raw), soy and anything with added artificial ingredients or preservatives.

But traveling is hard – traveling is real hard. And I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t tell you the truth that 100% perfection is not reality. I also wouldn’t be doing you a favor if I pretended that what you eat and how you live isn’t affecting the way you feel. {I am living proof that it is.}

When I was in Minnesota, I was fine. I had a grocery store and a fully-stocked fridge. I always make that work, no exceptions. But when I was in Orange County living out of a suitcase, suddenly the options grew slim and my desire to be “normal” magnified.

Colitis – 1 Gutsy – 0.

I ate like a “normal” person Friday, Saturday and Sunday at Natural Food Expo. This included: grains, nightshades, legumes, dairy, soy and Lord knows an artificial thing or two. Don’t fool yourself, the “natural” industry isn’t all clean, Organic and superior. I know this for a fact. I live and breathe and will die in this industry, so I’m aware of what some manufacturers’ get by with in proclaiming “natural.”

Anyways, not shame on them (at least not this past weekend). I have to take full responsibility. And I hate it.

Yesterday began my “official” 11-week half-marathon training program. I had high hopes for the big ‘ole kickoff. Even with the stomach ache, joint pain, fatigue, and aches, I forced myself to the gym. This is not something I’d normally do, but it was my kickoff….I don’t make excuses when I have a goal at hand. Yesterday’s workout was supposed to be a 30 minute easy run with 6 strides at the end, along with a small shoulder workout.

I made the run until 21:30 in. At that point, I got the chills, with stomach cramps. Someone could’ve punched me, and I’d know no difference. I got off the treadmill, headed to the bathroom and waited for something to happen. Nothing. I walked out of the bathroom, and I ran into my friend Marissa. She saw my agony and the goosebump-sleeved arms I wore and said, “Be done for today.” I told her I had 9 minutes left (at the very least). I could walk it.

I intended to do just that, but almost immediately after I told her that, I got really sick. I stayed that way the rest of the night.

Ryan is so good to me. He gave me a foot massage at night and made me dinner (spinach + grass-fed burger + coconut oil). He propped up pillows all around me so I could still hold the baby. He rocked her to sleep.

I am frustrated that after 8 months I’m still nowhere healed in the way that I thought I would be healed.

I am frustrated that I do everything right (I know this because for 8 months I have felt phenomenal), but that in a matter of a few days I can get myself so sick.

I am frustrated that traveling with an autoimmune condition is so damn difficult.

I am frustrated that my choices will find me struggling in some way, shape or form for at least the next 2-3 weeks. (Side note: I’m already feeling so much better today. I have every intention of ‘re-doing” the workout from yesterday 🙂 )

Colitis beat me yesterday, and it was my reminder for why I discipline myself in the way I do.

We can’t live in a bubble, but I’m tired of these instances of defeat. And even still….

When gravel roads are all you’ve ever known, you learn to find beauty in the dust.

Xox,
SKH