A Gutsy Girl®

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Benched

Filed Under: Gut Healing, IBS IBD, Inspire, Love, Workouts Tagged With: , , , ,

Getting benched in sports is just a timeout. It’s not a permanent removal, but for one reason or another, you are taken out of the game and benched temporarily.

This is not the post I thought I’d be writing post-Goonies Half Marathon, but I chose to write it because I have always remained very transparent with the women who follow this blog because they too battle IBS and/or IBD.

Angry Intestines

Perhaps my body knew something was up late last week. Elisabeth asked if I wanted to do girl’s night on Saturday night, and I responded, “No. I never make commitments the days I race because I never know how I’ll feel afterward.” And on Friday, while talking to Makenzie on the phone, she commented, “You seem quiet. Is everything okay?” I replied, “Yes, of course. I think I’m just trying to conserve all my energy for this race tomorrow since I just did one last weekend.”

I woke up Saturday morning for Goonies, and I was feeling great! Nothing was out of the ordinary. I have about a 3-hour pre-race routine I do every single time, and this routine allows me to walk to the starting line feeling 100% ready in stomach and mind.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com Brazen Goonies group props

I drove with my friends Tami and Susie, and the entire morning was lovely.

Even the weather was near perfect for racing. It was cold, but not too cold so that by the time I warmed up, it all felt very comfortable. The run itself was not easy, but you can never expect a half marathon climbing over 2,300 feet to be easy. And even though it wasn’t easy, I loved that course. It was tough with hard climbs, zig-zags, and lots of footwork. The mental aspect was challenging because it wasn’t just one large loop. Instead, the course was one loop you had to complete two times. I’m not a fan at all of those because once you reach the top the first time you know you have to do it all over again.

Nonetheless, 2:14:38 later, and I was done. That means for double the climb, it only took me about 16 minutes more than last week at Tarantula. I felt bummed because I only got 5th (out of 15) in my age this race, but then was much happier when I saw that I was 11th (out of 68) in overall female half. This was only the 4th trail race I have ever done, so immediately upon crossing the finish line I thought to myself, “What can I do during these next 2 weeks to practice more hills for the Diablo 30K?”

The thought was super short lived.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com Tina and SKH Brazen Goonies

I grabbed some fruit, water, and a Paleo muffin immediately, and Tami, Susie, and another woman Amy and I decided we wanted a big breakfast. Somewhere between the finish line and breakfast starting, I told Tami I had “that sting in my stomach,” but that eating and a small nap would take it away. 

I ate a huge breakfast. I was the only one of us 4 who made the clean plate club – ha. I had baby potatoes, fruit, egg whites, and chicken apple sausage.

Shortly before the meal ended, my stomach started really hurting. Again, I thought, this always happens, so I just need to let my body rest and take a nap. 

I tried sleeping on the car ride home, but I couldn’t because the stomach pain started getting worse. I got home to my house around 2 pm, made myself throw up (because I was in so much pain), and laid down. But that didn’t help. I couldn’t get comfortable. I would rotate from side-to-side, then sit up, then go to my stomach, and start the whole thing over again. I tried taking a bath, I used a heating pad, Ryan made me a water/lemon/baking soda mixture, and I even tried tums. Nothing worked. My entire stomach felt like it was burning, then like someone was punching me. I threw up every chance I could. 

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com Amy, Tami, SKH, Susie Goonies

The next morning (yesterday, Sunday), I woke up around 5 am. The pain had subsided some around 3 am, I think. I felt hunger pangs, so I grabbed some bland Rice Chex (I couldn’t stomach anything else). I thought I was in the clear until shortly after eating several handfuls, the pain started again. I threw up and then rested until Ryan woke up. Because we had no clue what was wrong, and I felt scared, I drove myself to the ER (because there is no regular doctor open on a Sunday morning).

{Side Note: Why didn’t Ryan take me? Because I can deal with driving down the street with a puke bag in hand. Isaiah was still sleeping, and the struggle is real to corral all 3 children on a moment’s notice if it’s not life-threatening. I would give anything at this point to live near family. I’m. So. Over. It. Also, this is what I was talking about in Be Sick and Stay Home (just too bad they can’t make emergency calls!)}

They got me in right away, and I was happy because the ER doctor was someone I know and who I had hoped would be in the ER that morning (I even messaged him just prior to going). They gave me nausea and pain meds (and this is not the time to debate meds like this – I have said time-and-time again that there is a place for drugs and medication), and finally, after almost 24 hours, I felt at peace. 

They ran vitals, blood tests, and even x-rays (to make sure it wasn’t an appendicitis, something with my liver or gallbladder).

And in the end?

The “official” diagnosis was epigastric pain, but the doctor said he may have seen some enteritis, and felt that I needed an endoscopy for further investigation. Ironically, getting scoped was what Dr. Schweig has been telling me to take care of for probably a year or two now. 

The doctor (because he knows me and my history with gut stuff) said he didn’t think I have an ulcer (which is what we thought it likely was), but instead nerve related. He said the stress of that run triggered all sorts of things, but right now, without further investigation inside, we can’t know for sure.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com Brazen Goonies prop fun

I got my nausea and pain meds, and off I went. Again, not the time or place for debate about these meds because, even after getting them through an IV yesterday, once they wore off and I ate a little, the pain returned. Unreal. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Benched

In August, I fell in love with trail running. But my motives for racing, racing, racing all the time were about much more than just that love for trail running. It’s so annoying that I have to still remain so quiet about the future, but running all these races is because of that. I set this goal of running like crazy in the mountains, and nothing was going to stop me.

Until Saturday, in the middle of the night, when I was in pain and misery, and I knew, deep down what had happened.

This sting, burning, and punching pain was not new to me. Since I started racing again last January, after every race or super hard long run, it would pop up. But I totally brushed it off because typically I would eat something and rest, and within an hour or two it would be gone. 

But I’m no idiot. I know things about the gut that some doctors don’t know. I am obsessed with it. And what I know, but never, ever, ever want to admit for my own self is that running and racing as I have been has totally and 1,000% stressed my insides out.

I don’t feel stressed. My energy levels are crazy awesome. And my mind-body-soul connection to physical activity is as good as anyone who is trying to reach the top.

But, at the end of the day, no matter how much I have healed my gut, I am not immune from relapsing or having “good things” trigger a reaction.

And that’s what happened on Saturday. That good thing that I love so much, called trail running up 2,300 feet at a decently hard pace was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I love running and the mountains and the competition of race so d#$% much, but I am not willing to reverse progress on all the hard work I’ve done healing my gut these past several years. I’m also not willing to be out for days when I have a family to take care of. I almost had to miss my big night at Disney on Ice with Samarah last night, and that would have made me feel horrible knowing that I missed out on that because of a self-induced flare.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com Samarah, SKH Disney on Ice

So I’ve benched myself.

The biggest running goal I’ve ever set for myself was to do the Brazen Racing 30K up 4,254 feet on Mount Diablo in 2 weeks (November 4). I’ve benched myself for that race. I had then planned the Summit Rock half on December 9, and then finally the New Year’s Day half on January 1st, 2018. I will be benched for Summit Rock for sure, and at this point, I’m leaving January 1st up in the air. My goal is to do that one, but I will decide after my endoscopy.

Now What?

I feel so sad, if you want to know the truth.

2017 has been a year of doing things physically that I never thought possible! I have conquered (or am still conquering) a multitude of things by running in the mountains. And I have gotten so strong with hills and footwork, and even going downhill (compared to last year at this time).

This week will be mostly rest and recover, to make sure my intestines calm down. I’ll do walks, and maybe some light bodyweight work.

Next week I’ll get back to lifting.

And at some point in the next few weeks, I’ll return to walk/run/walk, but will max out at 5 miles for the next month or two (5 miles has never affected me).

I could never explain to an athlete with normal intestines what it’s like to train and conquer goals while living with all sorts of gut stuff. The battles are endless, but I also believe that’s what makes them worth doing – for me.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com SKH and Tami Brazen Goonies

In fact, a friend I could just squeeze to death texted me yesterday, “I know that what you do in life is not easy for you. And that is what makes you so strong because you deal with all this and still try your hardest to push yourself to be your best. Please rest your body and don’t let this crush your spirits.”

None of these physical goals have been easy. Not even a little bit, but I maintain my staunch position on my blog and in my real life that there is always, always, always beauty in the dust. I believe that we have to make the best with what we’re given. We cannot make excuses for “why” something can’t be achieved. We can’t sit back and let life happen to us when we can make life happen.

I want to be this example for women – women who live with IBS and/or IBD, women who are “infertile,” and just women who otherwise might sit back to play the victim instead of a hero.

But today? Today I just want to be the example that you can be benched for awhile. 

And that’s totally okay, too.

Benched sarahkayhoffman.com SKH Brazen Racing Tarantula

Xox,
SKH

Trail Hog Survival

Filed Under: Fitness, Inspire, Love, Workouts Tagged With: , , , , ,

My second Brazen Trail Race held the theme Trail Hog Survival.

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Mount Hamilton San Jose Brazen Trail Run

Around mile 9, I overheard a guy say, “It’s just survival at this point.” 

I really could not have said it better myself. 

Trail Hog Survival

Don’t let these next two images fool you. They were taken before the race when I had no clue as to what was ahead!

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com pre-race

Let’s set the stage for all of you who do not live out in this area of California or who have never run in the mountains and/or run in general.

The temperature that morning during the race was 103-105 degrees. Garmin told me total distance covered was 13.7 miles. The website said we would climb 1,800 feet (though a guy I know told me he recorded upwards of 2,200 feet). 

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Ryan and SKH pre-race Brazen Running

Unless you’ve done a race like that, it’s hard to imagine exactly what that combination would feel like. I had zero clue because even the day before when I knew what it was going to be, I thought it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Wrong.

I had two goals for this race coming off of my first trail race ever, and that was to beat my time (since the overall climb was less) and not stop for pictures, water, food, or anything else. 

Not only did I not hit either of those goals, but I was far from hitting them.

This race took me about 10 minutes more to complete, and I had to stop at the last aid station for probably a good 3-4 minutes because I needed electrolytes and some salt stat.

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com super slow pace Brazen Race

The race started fine….for about 2 miles, and then it all quickly went downhill. I won’t even for a minute pretend that I “have no idea why” because throughout the entire the race all I could think was, “this could have been prevented” or “there is no way this could have been prevented.” 

It broke down (literally) as such with 5 main things….

  1. Hydration. This one both could have and could not have been prevented. I was not properly hydrated going into the day, and then on the course, I simply could not catch up with how much water and electrolytes I needed. I knew it was going to be rough with the heat, so the night before, I went out and bought a CamelBak. Even though it held 2.5L of water, that was gone within the first 5-ish miles probably. It wasn’t until the very last aid station (around mile 11) when I was able to temporarily re-hydrate. It was the first aid station I stopped at, and during my time there, I downed 3 glasses of water and 2 electrolyte glasses of water. (I also had a handful of salted nuts because my skin and hair were covered in salt, and my body needed it desperately.) 
  2. Heat. This one could not have been prevented. I’m typically chronically cold, never warm. But for the past month, I’ve felt constantly too hot. Even still, I had zero clues to what being too hot and running a (climbing) half marathon too hot would feel like. The heat was absolutely brutal. What made it even worse is that most of this course is not shaded. I would be running for what seemed like miles (or wait, it probably really was miles!) in pure sun and heat. Even my legs felt like they were burning (which was confirmed after when I saw a heat rash on them). I was so hot that I started getting chills. During those moments, I’d run super slow or just walk. But no matter what, I could not escape the heat.  Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Professional image Mount Hamilton
  3. Trails and hills. This one could have been prevented. Trails and hills are what trail running is all about, so if I am to get good at this, I really need to run more on trails and get in better shape for hills, hills, hills. Trail running in California is no joke. Technically Trail Hog is one of the lower climbs I’ll do through New Years, and yet I know that even climbing all of 1,800+ feet was hard. Yes, yes, yes, I do realize the heat had a lot to do with it, but part of getting better with trail races is to get better at the uphill (and downhill, for that matter). 
  4. Bandana. This one could have been prevented. I will wrap a bandana around me somewhere for the next trail race. On three separate occasions during Trail Hog, so much sweat got in my eyes that I was temporarily blinded and it stung like crazy. I’ve never experienced that before, but the sweat while running for hours at a time is so real.  Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Mount Hamilton Half Marathon Brazen
  5. Sleep deprivation. This one could have been prevented. I told you in my August 2017 recap that I’ve been having a crazy amount of energy (maybe too much) these past few weeks. While I like to think of it as a good thing, where it has affected me is in my sleep. I’ve gone a few weeks with no more than 7 hours a sleep a night, and that works for neither my training + races nor will it work to help keep SIBO at bay. I felt so tired on the course that day, sort of dizzy and faint all around, and I know the sleep deprivation went into that equation. (I’ll have you know that finally on Sunday night I reached my 8-hour sweet spot again.)

I’m proud of the finish, although it was a tortoise pace for me, and not for reasons you might expect. I’m proud because of that tortoise pace. 

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Finish line Mount Hamilton Half Marathon Brazen Race

The ambulance had to come, and I saw people on stretchers. I saw a man on the side of the trail (over 1/2 a mile from the aid station) who was in very bad shape and had to wait for medics to get it. Ryan told me people were dry heaving at the finish line. Others collapsed upon finishing or had to be rushed off for quick medical attention.

I could have run faster, but it would not have necessarily been better or stronger because it would have taken me out of anything physical for quite some time. 

My health has been so great for such a long time now that I didn’t want to put myself in a position to ruin all the hard work I’ve done for a race like that where it was more survival than setting PR’s. 

Shortly after the race, a guy I know messaged me, “Well I really hope that you don’t let this one race discourage you from any of the Ultras.” 

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com Mount Hamilton Half Marathon Medal

Nope. Not stopping. Not even for a moment did I think I’d never do one again. In fact, I got home and within 24 hours had signed up for the next…..Goonies on October 21 with a 13.1-mile course and gain of 2,734 feet.  With less than 7 weeks to go, I’ve got a lot of training (and sleeping and eating!) to do. The training strategy for these next 7 weeks includes more overall weekly mileage, at least one day a week on a trail or hill somewhere (or at the very least a hard running, not walking, session on the treadmill), a full day of legs, and WOD’s to fill in the gaps.

Did I mention how much I love, love, love trail running? Even in the awful heat, and even though I have to refer to this race as the Trail Hog Survival race, I had so many moments out there saying, “Thank you, God. Thank you for all the beauty in nature you have created.” 

Trail Hog Survival sarahkayhoffman.com feet nature post-race

Because it really is something incredible. 

Where are my trail running friends at?! Have you ever a run a race in heat like this? How do you structure your weekly workouts? What has made the biggest difference for you in getting better, faster, and stronger on the trails?

Xox,
SKH

Brazen Trail Racing

Filed Under: Fitness, Inspire, Love, Wellness, Workouts Tagged With: , , , , ,

Sigh. I fell in love this weekend with Brazen Trail Racing, and like every other time I fell madly, truly, deeply in love, it was completely out of the blue.

Upon falling in love, I stumbled upon this quote, and it has engulfed every inch of my soul.

Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com

Right after the San Francisco Half Marathon (not even a month ago), my friend Tami said, “You should totally run the Bear Creek Brazen with us on August 12. It’s a trail race, climbing over 3K feet, and it will be so hard but amazing.” (Side note: This girl right here has also captured my heart. Her attitude, energy for life, and sweet demeanor is incredible.)  Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Tami and SKH

I barely gave my fears any thoughts, and instead signed up instantly.

From July 24 (the day after the San Francisco half) to Brazen, I did the following to prepare….

A few days prior to the race, though, doubt set in. My energy was low last week, I wasn’t sure this trail running was really for me, and all the snakes and coyote dreams came at me full force.

Race morning came, and I felt excited! What I’ve learned from all the races I’ve ever done is that race morning just straight up ROCKS! I went in feeling like this was going to happen, and it would be whatever I would make of it.

And here’s what happened during that 13.3+ mile and 3K+ elevation climb of Brazen Trail Racing.

Brazen Trail Racing

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  1. I finally found my ‘Yoga.’ Remember in Let It Be Fall when I explained how I pushed and pushed to love yoga but that, ultimately, no amount of pushing could make me love it? Trail running is my yoga. According to The New York Times, “The original context of yoga was spiritual development practices to train the body and mind to self observe and become aware of their own nature. The purposes of yoga were to cultivate discernment, awareness, self-regulation and higher consciousness in the individual.” Bingo. That’s why my doctors have long recommended it to me. But I have explained it as such…..I have tried to be present and mindful with yoga, but I just can’t. sit. still. And I get it. That’s the point, to train yourself to do so. But was the point to physically sit still or to have the mind sit still and in the process be present? Because that’s what happened to me on Saturday with trail running. For almost 3 hours, I was present, mindful, and soaking up nature, life, and all the quiet that existed deep within.  Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Sarah Kay Hoffman Bear Creek
  2. I faced my fears of snakes. In Unafraid I told you, “I had massive snake phobia nearly my entire life. When I was really little, I ran over one with my little trike, and in grade school, while jumping on a trampoline, had a friend’s brother throw them at me. To this day, I have a hard time doing a lot of things outside in summer, namely hiking, for fear of a snake encounter.” After starting out running the race with Tami and her husband, I decided to just go ahead and do it on my own. I did this, namely, because I wanted to conquer all that was ahead alone, and mentally know that I could do anything. But shortly after I made that decision, the trail became a super narrow, single path in the middle of the hot, summer fields. If you live in or have ever been to the Bay Area in Northern California, you know exactly what that means – snakeville. That’s where they live, and that’s their home so to pretend they shouldn’t be there would not be right. To make matters worse, after awhile on this path, the weeds and grass got taller. It was a claustrophobic feeling where all I could do was take massively huge breaths, release, and just keep on running. At one point, I told the guy directly behind me, “If I have a heart attack right now, it’s not because I’m tired. I’m deathly afraid of snakes.” He laughed and said, “Well they are definitely all around us.” More. Deep. Breaths. But eventually, that path lead back to the “forest,” and I had conquered those minutes, my mind, and the fear. Conquered for good? Ah. No! This is going to take a very long time, but I have finally faced it, and in the process, have gained so much more out of life.  Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Bear Creek Trail Running Sarah Kay Hoffman
  3. Calm and chaos. For the last 2-3 miles, I could hear the finish line music, yet I was still so tucked into the shaded, woody area. I couldn’t help but think about how alone we can be with the sounds, voices, and calm in our heads, but yet still so close to the chaos of life. Feeling this for those 2-3 miles was really something. In fact, it’s not even something I can explain very well but felt so deeply. My mind played over and over again, “It’s just me, my thoughts, nature, and all the emotions in the world currently, but out there…..chaos, commotion, and life.”
  4. Found my weakness. Had it not been for the downhills, I would have come out like a champ. In 2012, I wrote a post called, “What Goes Down Must Come Up.” The premise of the post is that hiking the Grand Canyon downhill was much easier than climbing back up. I argued back then that the climb back up was much harder than down. I still believe in the post, and that, as a metaphor for life. But after Saturday (and Yosemite), I no longer believe that from a physical standpoint. Back when we hiked the Grand Canyon, I was in far worse shape than I am today. The flats and uphills were much easier. I was terrible at the downhill, getting passed up by everyone (which I’d then make up for and then some on the flat and uphill). I’m still afraid of falling and tumbling down the steep hills (almost did yesterday, in fact), and I’m not used to running so much downhill. If I want to truly excel, I’ll need to get better at this weakness.
  5. And then found my strength. As I mentioned above, the flat and uphill climbs were a major strength. Sure, on many of the major uphill climbs, I had to walk, but I also ran/jogged a ton of it, which was a huge strength. I have been working legs like it’s my part-time job. And I do believe that this practice has set me up nicely to continue trail running.  Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Motivation Wraps with Tami Inspire
  6. You really get to see everything. When you trail run, you are able to see things you would never see on the road. When I reached the top of every hill, all I could think was, “Wow! This is absolutely beautiful.” Part of that is the beautiful Bay Area, but the other part is just that being at a peak, no matter where you’re at, allows you to see everything – for miles and miles – from a different view than you would otherwise. God’s creations are breathtaking.

And when it was over? No stress-fracture pain. When I woke up yesterday? Still no pain. I did my hardest half marathon yet and came out with only the pains anyone would expect – sore quads, and ankle muscles that were all, “Um, hi. We did work yesterday.”

Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Bear Creek Finish Line

I have been fighting hard to desire to spend the next 3+ months training to PR a flat, road race in the beginning of December. My mind says, “Yes,” but my body screams says, “No. No, you aren’t currently in a life place to train 30-50 miles a week and commit to everything else that goes along with it.”

Prior to Saturday, I thought those road races were the only way to make me feel like I was working towards the next “thing” for me. But after Saturday’s Brazen Trail Racing, I know I don’t have to fight any longer. I don’t need to run 30-50 miles a week. I don’t need to pound pavement 3-6 days a week. I don’t need to focus on sub-8 half-marathon times (when you trail run, every single trail is different and the change from climbing 1k feet of elevation to 4k feet will not yield the same half marathon pace, no matter what).

The saddest part about Saturday’s race for me was that I have been in and out of love with running since 2008, but I might have experienced the best parts of the sport tenfold had I not let FEAR hold me back all these years.

But now I have the chance to not look back. (And to keep these medals coming 🙂 )

Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Medals Age Division 2nd place

Yesterday (yes, the day post race), I signed up for the next trail race, the Trail Hog Half Marathon on September 2 (yes, like as in 2017, just a few short weeks away).

And I won’t stop there. I am also thinking about doing 5 more Brazen Trail Races from now through January 1, 2018, one of which I am considering powering through to the 30K with over 4K elevation climb. 

Oh my gosh…..I’m so excited, slightly terrified, but absolutely beaming! There truly is so much life among tall trees.

Brazen Trail Racing sarahkayhoffman.com Bear Creek

p.s. I already know what some of you who also have an Autoimmune Condition and/or SIBO are thinking, “But your gut…..” Yup, I’m still thriving. Cracking the code, pushing fear aside, and letting life in – everywhere.

p.s.s. Are you a trail runner? Have you ever done Brazen Trail Racing? Favorite trail running blogs? How about trail running gear? Anything else?

p.s.s.s. Promise this is the last one. I continue to write about my journey with running and fitness in general because there are so many life parallels. When I am in these spaces, I am inspired to share even more about life and Gravel Roads.

Xox,
SKH

Burning Out

Filed Under: Inspire, Love, Wellness, Workouts Tagged With: , , ,

There are always lessons in burning out that need to be learned. 

“Wow, you look so tan!” I have heard this a few times this past week. My response has been,

Every single year I do this thing where I go to the pool for like 8 hours at the beginning of the summer season. I get super burned and am in excruciation pain for a few days. Then, I don’t want to be in the sun much the rest of the summer, but that awful burn turns to a tan, so the cycle repeats yearly. I learned my lesson of burning out, literally, so I stopped. This year, I’ve been in the sun quite a bit, but just little-by-little, short doses, and never to the point of getting all-out burned. And in the end? A nice tan is forming, with zero signs of burning out.

I may have learned my lesson on burning out with the golden summer tan, but I have not yet learned it in so many other areas of life.

Burning Out sarahkayhoffman.com 4 weeks no running. running injury stress fracture

Early yesterday morning I sat in my chiropractor’s office while he told me, “I’m just the bearer of bad news. No running for 4 weeks.” Turns out that injury prior to the Livermore half was actually a stress fracture or tendonitis. My chiropractor was not 100% sure but said that even with x-rays we might not know and even with them, he would tell me the same thing….no running for 4 weeks.

They adjusted my back, then I sat in the chair while my leg was elevated, iced and worked on. 

I left, and felt so defeated, and cried. I am far from feeling burned out from running, but apparently, I am burning out by it. My body that is.

Burning Out

I started thinking about this idea around burning out.

How often in life do we do things because it seems right so we do more, and more, and more because if something is right then more must be righter (I know that’s not a word, just stay with me a second) and better, yes? 

The only problem is that slow leaks lead to flat tires. We can’t see the flat tire coming while we’re on a high because that feeling clouds our vision in order to see the slow leak.

Burning Out sarahkayhoffman.com What to do when you are burned out? On life.

Last night before bed I thought about this a lot. 

I thought about the sun burning and my ankle failing me from running. 

I couldn’t help but wonder,

Am I, without even knowing it, burning out in all areas of my life?

As I’m reading Present Over Perfect, I have told myself countless times that no, no I am not burning out…..at all. I am not stuffed, nor am I running laps, and all my chairs have been put up with careful thought.

But I would be lying to myself if I didn’t stop. right. here. just to ask myself, 

Am I blinded by this feeling of being “high?” Is it taking over my life? And if so, how long until there is another point with something else I love on the line for burning out?

Because that’s the thing about burning out….rarely do we burn out on things we don’t enjoy. It’s almost always those things we enjoy most where the burn out occurs. 

I’m spending the next few days on a little reset. Ryan and I are taking the kids somewhere calm (though, let’s be honest, will it be all that calm with a 1, 2, and 3-year old?!), and during this time I won’t be able to run, or work excessively, or plan my next 4 weeks of running (though I will have to make an alternative running plan because my goal is to come back to running stronger but smarter – the demise of my ankle was during March when I went from a 20-30 mile run week in one week – running friends, thoughts on training?), or this, that, and the other. 

I need to step back in order to stop burning out on things I love.

p.s. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see what we’re up to this weekend!

Xox,
SKH

You Got This

Filed Under: Fitness, Inspire, Love, Workouts Tagged With: , , , ,

“You got this,” seemed to be the mantra that played over and over in my head before I fell asleep last night.

You may have seen the post on Facebook or Instagram, but yesterday at my 7th half marathon, I finally PR’d again for the first time since my first half marathon in 2009. More on that in a bit…..

You Got This

Saturday

It all started Saturday morning. Ryan and I took the kids to coffee and the farmer’s market, and then Ryan had to leave to go to a golf event for work all day. 

You Got This sarahkayhoffman.com

We needed some things at Target, so I took the kids by myself. 

It was still morning, but even then, Target was packed. I parked. I got the kids out, one-by-one, then we went into the store. Every single time I take all three by myself, it’s chaos. There really is just no way around it. Amiya still goes in the Ergo, Isaiah in the front of the cart, and Samarah in the back. They are loud, they sometimes fight, and there is always a meltdown or two. 

Never fails. 

But I’m pretty used to it, and it’s okay.

So we did Target and headed out. I put the girls in the car and shut the door. I started wheeling Isaiah around to his side (the right side), when a man pulled his small SUV out of the space directly to my right, rolled down his window and said, “You need to learn how to park. You cramped me backing out.” 

My right, rear tire was literally on the white line (everything else was inside the white line), and I had parked like that because when I got there, I was parked in on the other side and I needed a little space in order to get all the kids out.

I stared at him because I thought he was kidding. He had clearly seen me struggle with all three children, so I was thinking he was about to say something like, “Just kidding. Good luck with all the kids.” But then, nope, nothing. Just a lecture, rolled up his window and drove off.

It took every single last ounce of patience in me not to scream total obscenities at him. I haven’t been livid like that in so long. What’s wrong with people?!

I got Isaiah into the car, I got into the car, sent Ryan a picture of the scene and story, took several deep breaths and drove off. 

On the way home, a man was trying to get out at a busy intersection. I stopped to let him get out when no one else would. Because, well, I had a decision. Pass along the horrible actions or create something good. I chose the latter.

A one, two, and three-year-old and a man with no class…..I’ve totally got this.

Sunday

I wish I had a big story about the race yesterday (like what I learned at my 10K), but I don’t. 

The goal for this race was to PR. That was it. In 2009, I ran a 1:48:30. I wanted to pace at 8:15/mile or less. And I did it. But honestly? I’m not sure how. 

You Got This sarahkayhoffman.com See Jane Run Half Marathon 2017 PR Alameda California

Around mile 5 already I started to fade. I went in and out of feeling good from miles 5-13.1, but mostly I felt less than great. But still, I kept on telling myself, “You got this.”

I kept my eyes ahead, and while I thought it was a super pretty run, it was an extremely mentally challenging run because most of the time I was running alone. I steadily passed about 5-7 people, letting only 1 re-pass me. 

Towards the end of the race, I kept looking at my Garmin, and she told me during that last .75-ish miles that I had to move fast or I would, in fact, miss my PR. And at that point, that was not an option because I had spent the better portion of 7 miles feeling blah so what would another mile be? 

As I sprinted to cross the finish line, I saw 1:47 on the clock (but also knew I started several seconds after the clock began) and also threw up (well nothing came up, but all the motions happened). I have never ever thrown up after a race or workout in general.

But my whole body was spent, and sometimes I think this has to do with the fact that I don’t just run races, I run them while also battling a healing journey still. Running is super stressful on the body for the normal runner, much less someone like me. (And no, I’m not giving it up. It’s not currently an option, and you’ll understand why sooner rather than later likely.)

Anyways, the people at the finish line were amazing, and quickly got me water and food. I drank all the water I could, and then I was perfectly fine.

Ryan is amazing (as always) and brought the kids to the race so they were all at the finish line. We all left together, grabbed a latte on the way out of town, and headed home. I spent a few hours relaxing, and once Amiya and Isaiah were up from their naps, we all went to the pool.

Later that night it was confirmed that I did in fact PR. I clocked in at 1:46:49, and for only consistently training about 5 months now, I was (and am still) super excited!

You Got This sarahkayhoffman.com See Jane Run Half Marathon 2017

My next goal would be to hit 1:45, but I also want to spend some time lifting again. I’m re-dedicating two full days to lifting because I miss the balance. 

Shaving off another 1:49 might take quite some time. I have this amazing running mentor, and we talked after the race. She told me, “My improvements came over the years with consistency. Years ago I ran a bunch of 1:35’s. I could not budge past that. My goal for years was 7 minute pace. Which is 1:31:45. I kept plugging away at the training and one day skipped right on past 1:31 and ran 1:27!!! It takes consistency and keeping on doing the do. Trust me in this…. it all comes in time. Consistent training and recovery and your body builds fitness. Trust the process!”

Again, I have only been at this for 5 months. I feel optimistic, healthy, and happy for all that lies ahead – in so many facets.

Monday

And here we are, Monday again. I am thinking about all the weirdness, greatness, and everything in between from this past weekend.

During it all, no matter, remember……you got this, I got this, we got this.

Xox,
SKH

The Race Within

Filed Under: Inspire, Love, Wellness, Workouts Tagged With: , , , ,

Yesterday I finally hit a 10K PR. And while I was running it, my emotions rose to the surface with the overwhelming feelings around the race within.

At dinner with some girlfriends on Tuesday night, one asked me, “Have you always been a runner?”

I laughed.

I have said it here before, but I need to say it again……I was never a runner. My friends joked all throughout high school that I ran like an elephant. Each season we had to do the timed mile run, my mind told me I’d do it in under 10 minutes, but my athletic abilities clocked me in around a 12-13 minute mile. I always felt so inadequate as a runner. 

“So how did you get so fast,” they asked me on Tuesday night?

Let’s be clear. I’m not so fast, but I will no longer argue about how far I’ve come since then.

The Race Within sarahkayhoffman.com 10K

The answer is…..I’m not really sure what happened or what I did that took me from that 12-13 minute mile to today, except that I fell in love with running (I hated it in high school), and I started practicing and staying consistent.

But up until yesterday’s race, I have been competing with everyone and anyone but myself. And then it happened….

The Race Within

I ran my best race yet. I paced at 7:45/mile for 10K (6.2 miles, in case you didn’t know) (the watch shown in this post is off). My total time was 48:03. Out of 42 females aged 30-39, I placed 4th. Out of 189 total females, I placed 13th.

And yet, while running, there were older (and younger) men, women, and children who passed me.

There were older men and younger women pushing strollers who passed me. 

On the flip side, I passed older (and younger) men, women, and children. 

I passed people that “looked” far fitter than me and got passed by those who didn’t.

But when I was trotting along, the things I told myself, my breathing patterns, the adrenaline rush, all of it…..had zero to do with anyone else. 

It was 100% the race within.

Someone beating me or not beating me would not make me better, faster, or stronger. Only I could do that.

And when I crossed the finish line and looked at my time, I felt a joy that I have not felt in so very long. I ran a race with myself and no one else.

I felt overjoyed with a 7:45 pace knowing that I have only been consistently running again for less than 5 months (and during each of those 5 months, there are a solid 5-10 runs that I am not able to practice Tempo or any kind of hard runs). 

It’s so easy to compare and contrast in the world we live in today. Everything and everyone is in our faces. Highlight reels 24/7 makes it hard to feel like our own PR’s are not worthy. 

The Race Within sarahkayhoffman.com 10K PR Danville CA

But guess what? They are.

They are because another’s story is not yours. Their circumstances are not yours. Their season of life is not yours. 

I learned yesterday that fighting for and challenging myself based only on the race within is far more fulfilling than looking horizontal to someone else’s race.

Xox,
SKH

p.s. It wouldn’t be truly successful if I didn’t learn something for improving, though. I learned: KT Tape is invaluable, and I need to tape my right knee, too (I only taped my left calf yesterday), I must learn to pace better the first 1-2 miles (or I’ll never make my half PR) – ugh – adrenaline, I need 2 pairs of shoes to swap in and out of for training (bought them immediately after the race yesterday), and I need to keep focusing on Tempo runs to push through even harder. And also, shorts. I need to wear shorts. I wore a tank and pants, and the pants made me waaaaay too hot. (As we’re teaching Amiya to say, “BOOM!”)