I’m blowing out 36 candles today. Actually, I probably won’t blow out anymore than one, but you get the point.
36 Candles
Filed Under: FAQ with A Gutsy Girl, Inspire, Love Tagged With: goals, happy birthday, inspire, life, love, motivation
Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Five}
Today you’re holding up one full hand, all five fingers, to denote your new age. Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Five}.
You Are Two, Amiya
Today you are two, Amiya.
I’ll start your birthday letter out the same way I did last year (and probably how I will every single year), by reminding everyone of the age gap between the three of you. Today we now have a 2, 3, and 4-year old in the house. There is something so frightening, yet so cool, about that.
You Are Two, Amiya
Dear Maya,
You have drastically changed this past year. On your first birthday, I let everyone know,
Your first several months here, you rarely made a peep. You have found your voice now, but only when you are hungry, tired, or teething (have I told you yet how much I hate teething?!) do you scream like crazy.
You are now polar opposite of this.
The personality that emerged during this past year is larger than life. Much. Larger. It both drives mama insane, but also gives me all the joy.
The entire world knows your name now. You made it very clear on Sunday night, right before your second birthday.
There is nothing you do that isn’t with 100% force.
You are loud, dynamic, and strong. When you talk, your voice carries for days. When you want something now, you wanted it seventeen minutes ago. And when you get an idea in your head (say, putting on socks and “boots”), you’ll stop at nothing to get it done.
Your little mind is still as sharp as we thought it was last year. You’re already through with the ABC’s, can count past ten (made it to eleven last night with Grandma Nancy), and you pick up on everything. Aunt Kelly works with small children daily and she confirmed that you are a smart cookie.
Like your brother and sister, you love music; you love singing and dancing. You would sing anything from Sing all day long or “a dream is a wish your makes.” Your voice is deep, and so oftentimes when you sing, I laugh out loud because I’m not sure if you’re 2 or 62.
The sass in your attitude has quadrupled this past year, and most days we aren’t sure what to do with it. You say, “No,” hit, and throw tantrums whenever and however you feel like it.
But oh little Maya, your hugs are the best in the whole world. When you hug, you snuggle in so tight and you never let go. Your feet wrap around my entire body, and oftentimes you’ll say, “Awwwwww.”
Your energy is insane, and you are still the child that could eat an entire cake, 5 sausage links, and 17 bananas and still have ripped arms and baby abs. I pray you’ll always be the girl who couldn’t care less about eating all the things and having all the gains.
It was never going to be easy once we welcomed you into our home – having three children, virtually all within a year of each other. But thank God for you, for your life, for your Tummy Mommy, and that we said, “Yes, yes we’ll take her.” The days with you are often super challenging currently, and I feel perfectly okay in saying that because I know deep down just how worth it they have been.
You are the child your daddy and I will, without-a-doubt, hear, “Um….Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman, Maya is in the principles office. Again.” 🙂 Kidding. Maybe.
But you are also going to be the child who will stop for nothing to get anything and everything you want out of life. You’ll be the one to defend the underdog, and the one who will light up an entire room with your smile.
Your smile is contagious. So contagious.
I thank God for the day you were born, and for the day you officially became ours during this past year.
Happy birthday, my sweet Amiya.
One last thing. I shared the video of you watching your girl on Facebook last year in your birthday post. On Monday night, I confirmed that you still love her and dancing with her. “Again!”
Xox,
SKH
Happy Birthday, Isaiah {You are Three}
Happy Birthday, Isaiah {You are Three}. Hardly seems real that another year has gone by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday that I wrote a letter to you for your first birthday, Happy Birthday, Isaiah {You are One}, and then another one for your second, Happy Birthday, Isaiah {You are Two}.
But today is the day I write this third birthday letter for you. Today, on May 13, 2018, is the day we’ll celebrate both your birthday and Mother’s Day.
It’s both ironic and fitting that the day would land as one.
Happy Birthday, Isaiah {You are Three}
Dear Isaiah,
You and I have come a long, long ways.
These last couple months have been some of my favorite with you so far, and some day when you are big enough to understand all the little intricacies of life and love and you, Samarah, Amiya, mama, and daddy, I’ll tell you about it.
After Samarah, we wanted another baby. We didn’t really specify gender or anything else (except we did kind of request non-Caucasian, intentionally). Deep down, though, I know your daddy wanted a little boy. And truth be told, I did, too. Because I always wanted my own little Isaiah (since 1995).
On May 13, 2015, you were born. You could not stay with your birth mama, and the plans for you were clearly set. Making your way to us was not in the state’s plans.
But making your way to us was in God’s hands, and during these past few years I’ve oftentimes wondered “Why?” There was Elisabeth on the outside and ups and down on the inside.
Here I sit, on your third birthday, and I, very openly, sincerely, and honestly, know why.
While it’s scary to think that your name goes hand-in-hand with, “….and a child shall lead them,” they are words I have forced myself to come back to time-and-time again.
You are the child that is teaching me that not everything will come easy in life, but if you give things time and patience, practice and perseverance, all the great things worth having make it all worth it.
At three, you are…..
All boy. All. Boy. Fire trucks, dump trucks, garbage trucks, you name it…..you play with them all day.
Sometimes all girl. It’s true, for as much true boy as you are, your sister’s influence on you is real. You’ll hold babies with them and stuffed animals, push doll strollers and say, “Awwww…..” while rocking a doll.
Active. You don’t sit still for 2 seconds. You love to run, jump, ride your bike, and do jump squats with mama.
A huge fan of Katie’s. You really love Katie. Each night before bed you ask us, “Will Katie be here tomorrow?” We always respond, “Yes, buddy, now it’s time for bed.”
A singing soul. Since we got you, you’ve always picked up on beats. Now that you can talk, you pick up on words after hearing a song even just once. One of the best nights you and I had during the past month was spending a night together at Grandma Nancy and Grandpa Donny’s house. On the drive out, we had just hit the gravel roads when a song I had not yet heard came on the radio, “I Need a Ride Home” by Carly Pearce. I instantly fell in love with the song, and you did, too. You picked up on words instantly, and when we listen to it now, you know words here and there. I’ll forever think of you when I hear that song.
An eating machine. Seriously, you can out eat me, and sometimes you even give your daddy a run for the money. We are scared of what the grocery bill is going to look like as you get bigger.
A Gutsy boy like your mama. I always thought it was going to be Samarah who would remain the Gutsy baby. She outgrew it, you still have not (nor has Amiya). We currently have you on a very strict diet, and this past week has proved wildly awesome changes with you (well, except for last night when you got into a little popcorn and we caved on the French Fries!). Your stomach is huge and you’re a poopin’ machine if we don’t have it under control. Secretly, I love that I get to help you sort through the gut stuff. Hang in there buddy, one day you’ll be eating all your beloved apples again 🙂
Woody Wood Pecker. You still laugh like Woody, and it cracks everyone up.
An entertainer. Put some music on, and your little head and body will wiggle and bop for what seems like hours. It’s absolutely hilarious!
A total stud. Randomly, at the dinner table last night, you said to your daddy, “I need a haircut.” You’re always about your haircut and shades, and when you have a fresh cut and those shades on, you’re a total stud.
Daddy’s boy. Currently you’d choose your daddy over mama in a heartbeat. You love your daddy, and he has all the patience in the world for potty training with you when mama is still uncertain with the little man’s boy parts attitude (you always want to show mama – such a trip).
Happy. 90% of your time is spent being happy. You have a smile that’s infectious, and as long as your tummy doesn’t hurt, is full, and plenty of hours of sleep under your belt, happy is what you’ll choose.
Sweet as pie. Yes, Isaiah. You truly are sweet as pie. Recently before one of my work trips you told daddy you were sad. When he asked why, you told him, “Because Mommy is leaving.” Your intentions are gold.
Happy, happy birthday my sweet boy!
Listen – today is Mother’s Day, so I hope you’ll be real nice to mama, too.
We have a big and fun day planned – mostly spending it outside, which is something you and I both love.
We love you little man.
Happy 3rd birthday, buddy!
p.s. And yes, yes we are making your special chocolate cake tonight!
Xox,
Mama
Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Four}
Mama is officially a mess today, sweet Sam. Happy birthday, Samarah {This is Four}.
I will never miss a year of doing this for you. This was one. This was two. And this was three. But each year I write it feels like a little more sting to the heart.
Today you turn four, and mama has so much to say to you.
You and mama always say, “Shhhhh……don’t tell daddy,” but for real baby angel face, don’t tell daddy this morning when he gets home that I may or may not have let you sleep with me in our bed when he was gone last night.
I am trying my hardest to not let you get into that habit, but I’ve been mourning so many changes and you turning four today is kind of the kickoff to them all. I just had to have you right by me, so I could watch you fall asleep on your very last night as a three-year-old.
Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Four}
About a week ago, a mother approached your daddy and said she just had to tell him how grateful she was for you. Her daughter was in the corner, playing alone and sad until you went over and played with her.
This story, although super short, has to be the first thing I share for your birthday post because it embodies every last piece of who you are.
You have the softest, kindest, and most loving heart and personality (even if you are starting to growl – goodness!).
My greatest hopes are coming true through you. The way you love, and the sweetness you extend is something I can’t even begin to describe.
You are a total daddy’s girl one minute and mama’s girl the next. You never want to hurt either of our feelings so you’re now constantly saying, “I love mommy and daddy.”
You are the mother hen to Isaiah and Amiya. Currently, you’re trying to help potty train Isaiah (helping him remove his diaper – poop and all) along with teaching Maya her ABC’s and how to eat anything and everything.
You have zero concepts of sleep. At night, you’d never go to bed if we’d allow it, and most mornings you’re up at 6 am or before.
You are Reagan’s biggest fan, and she adores you. You ask frequently when “Fiona can come home,” and I know you miss her. Mama does, too.
You love your babies, Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, Bubble Guppies, Mickey and his crew, all the princesses, and Team UmiZoomi.
You have two current favorite books, God Found Us You and Peanut Butter & Cupcake. In fact, we have read God Found Us You so much that I catch you “reading it to yourself” often…..”Mama, tell me again about the day I came home.”
You are musically-inclined and creative. You have your own little guitar, and love singing along with your daddy when he plays his. Sometimes, you just want to give us a concert in the kitchen. You make up lyrics and strum the strings. I am overjoyed with your little voice singing.
Your favorite form of play is running around like crazy outside with Isaiah while daddy waters the yard. You run and run and run. You’re still not sure of your bike, but you’ve taken a new liking to gymnastics. The pool is your playground, as is the park, and most days you join daddy and me for early morning “mousekercizing.”
Each day when you get home from school, you run to my office area, hand me a flower you’ve picked, and say, “Here you go, Mama. I picked a flower for you.” Sometimes it’s just a Dandelion, but the innocence is priceless.
Your favorite foods are raw walnuts and almonds, Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips, mama’s bread (which you know how to make along with me), pizza, Cod Liver Oil (if that even counts as a food?!), whole milk, burgers with Yucca fries, ice cream (yellow – always Vanilla – sometimes plain, sometimes with sprinkles), mama’s breakfast “nice” cream, protein shakes with daddy, tortillas, and cake, cupcakes, and muffins. In fact, you love a lot of things, but you’d much rather just munch and nosh all day than sit down for a huge meal. You’re totally my child.
You love, love, love school, your teachers, and the all the kids there. At the end of the year last year when they told me how smart you are, I felt tears swell. Such beautiful reminders that even when you enter the world under less than desirable circumstances, totally remarkable, incredible, and miraculous things can happen.
If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a billion more times…..until my very last breath on this Earth – the ways in which I love you are something words can never do justice for. I don’t regret one moment of IVF because had it not been for that time, there would have been another child who would have come along before you, and YOU are the very best thing God put on this Earth, in His timing, for us to finally find.
You are not just a miracle because you were born at 26 weeks and 4 days, just shy of 2.5 pounds.
You are a miracle because of every last detail that God put into your life.
Today you are four, so fly little angel, fly (but stay close forever).
Xox,
Mama
Eighteen
I have no clue what I was doing on the day I turned eighteen, but I can guarantee that where I was at was nothing compared to where Ceci is, as she celebrates her eighteenth birthday in Italy today (May 31, 2017).
We have missed Ceci every single day since she became our hardest goodbye.
Her family wanted us there for her big day today, but I didn’t even have a passport at the time (prompted me to get it ASAP), so I guess this blog from across the world will have to do.
Eighteen
Dear Ceci,
When I thought about you turning eighteen, I remembered two things.
First, I remembered the little talk we had shortly before you left. Neither of us knew what the status of you + Luca might be once you returned to Italy. But what I told you was something along the lines of…..”girl, you are going to fly, and don’t make this the point in your life where anyone or anything can hold you back.”
At eighteen, and then again at twenty-two, I almost let a boy hold me back. Instead, at eighteen, I left to go to college, and at twenty-two, I moved by myself, across the country to California to work, play, and discover a whole new life.
You, Ceci, are beyond brilliant, talented, and lovely, and if you just fly, you will, without a doubt, look back someday and say, “I am so thankful I let nothing or no one hold me back.”
Which brings me to the second thing I remembered.
At just eighteen, it’s possible that you have taught me more than I have you. On March 30, you sent us an email stating many things, including one of my favorite lines,
But today I thought of you all the day, and I couldn’t be more happy for you and proud to be part (somehow) of this (our) beautiful growing family!
And at the end of the email, you translated a message from Italian to English for us on the journey as a metaphor for life. You could kill me for including it in your birthday post, but I wanted you to know how much I not only loved it but also how incredibly brilliant and advanced it is. I also wanted it in one place for you so you would always have the reminder of this journey in one place (and your thoughts on translation around that journey),
We always want to be, never to have been. And it repels us not to can live in two places at the same time, when either of them lives in our minds, or rather in our nervous system: in our bodies…Indeed we can be put on the road. But while the goal is getting closer and becomes real, the place from where we left departs and substitutes the destination in the unreality of our memories; we earn one of them and we lose the other one. Distance is in us, the true human condition….Yonder we dreamed our motherland, as in our motherland we dream abroad. But the first great trip leaves in the young, of any caliber and sensibility, a conflict that habits can’t compose; defines the idea of the oceans, harbors, separations; it almost creates, in the mind, a new form, a new category: the category of the distance; the consideration of all the far away lands.
It might be a vice.
Who has tried the distance hardly loses its taste. The first trip, the first night that the novo-pilgrim is on its way, nostalgia is born, forever. And it’s the desire to go back not only in our homeland but everywhere: where we have been and where we haven’t.
Two great directions alternate: homeward and toward out…
He doesn’t understand, perhaps, he doesn’t love his own country, who has never left it at least once, believing it was forever.
Ryan, Samarah, Isaiah, and Amiya wish you a very happy birthday, sweet Ceci! I hope your day is everything you hoped it would be.
p.s. If you were here today, I would have, without a doubt, made you my infamous Paleo Birthday Cake with Rainbow Frosting.
p.s.s. We are so looking forward to celebrating your graduation in Italy with you. T – 1-ish year (but who is counting anyways)?!
Xox,
SKH