The biggest lesson I learned in 2018 had to be learned the hard way. I don’t regret learning it; remember, no regrets, but it definitely caught me off guard….hard.
I love these end of year recap posts. It’s my time to really reflect because it is through that reflection where I get the inspiration for what’s next; how to be better, move forward, and sometimes even step backwards.
But I have never done a biggest lesson learned post. Of course I’ve had years when I learned something massive, but this year it just stuck with me for so long (and affected me so deeply) that I realized just how important it was.
The timeline went as such.
Thursday, May 3, 2018, was a really awful day. I had a verbal exchange with someone I cared deeply about that would ultimately make me question everything about myself.
A couple weeks later, I started thinking about the differences between healing and wholeness.
By June, I knew I needed fixing. I believed my environment; both personally and professionally, needed fixing. But I believed in this quote for all the wrong reasons,
At the time, even though I said I needed fixing, I focused more on the environment around me. Do you see what I did? I was still not taking responsibility, thinking it boiled down to just the environment; not me.
The downfall really began then. Even though it was a great summer, everything eventually caught up to me. All the little things became big things and at the end of September I really started to take them by the reigns instead of letting it all take me in every which direction.
The Biggest Lesson I Learned in 2018
When I was in Italy, I picked up a bookmark. (I carry it with me today everywhere I go for my daily reminder.) On it is a saying from II Piccolo Principe,
It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others.
If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a man of true wisdom.
It was late October, after spending months dwelling inwards and outwards, things I’m not really ready to share quite yet. I had just spent the past month-ish really digging deep and working on me.
My gut was functioning the best it probably ever has. The kicker was that I was eating all the things, and I was no longer obsessively concerned about “healing my gut.” (So when you continue to tell me that you can only eat 3 things, but you’re not willing to do with all the other things, I have to be honest with you and say, “‘I’m sorry. I will not be the best person to join you on your journey.” You cannot diet harder.)
It was in those days, weeks, and individual moments when I realized that perhaps the final part of healing was in acknowledging where and how I’ve been so wrong.
I sat with all the feelings and words from May, and I knew that I was entirely in the wrong and that saying “sorry” was exactly what I needed to do.
So I wrote out the words from the Piccolo bookmark, and (among many other things) added,
I am FAR from perfect. I have faults upon faults amen, but what my truest downfall in all of this was and still is is that I failed to judge myself in and with everything that had to do with you and XYZ.
(Note: I had to send an email because she was not in the United States at the time; I had no idea where she was.)
And that was the biggest lesson I learned in 2018.
Judging yourself is the hardest, but failing to do so, can hurt people and ruin truly lovely things.
No, I lie.
This Was the Biggest Lesson Learned
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Stopped me right there in my tracks. I was taken back to May of this year when this exact situation happened. ✨ Fast forward to today and I can honestly say it was (by far) one of the best things that happened during 2018. I’ll be writing about it more on the blog before the end of the year. ⠀ ✨ For today, I’m simply thankful for honesty – friends that love enough to give it – because it helped change my entire life.⠀????✨???? .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ Via @nutritionvixen ——> “Tag a friend who needs to hear this today ????????”⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ .⠀ #nutritioncoach #onlinehealthcoach #autoimmunedisease #selfdevelopmentjunkie #fatlossgoals #fertilitycoach #mthfr #nutritionhumor #dietitianhumor #healthytip #dietitian #dietitianapproved #pcosweightloss #thyroidhealing #thyroidproblems #nutritionquotes #wordstoliveby #holisticcoach #hormonebalance #hormoneimbalance #ditchthediet #takecareofyou #bodylove #weightlossjournal”⠀ Reposted with @plannthat
The biggest lesson I learned is that forgiveness is something we almost never deserve. Instead, when we receive it, we should be filled with gratitude.
Because not even a week later, she emailed me back. Among a few other things, she said,
I’m honored to receive your words, thank you. I’ve missed you a lot! Just wanted to acknowledge your email and tell you I love you.
That was October 21, 2018, and ever since then I continue to work on all the things, judging rightly when I can (I mean except with Ryan – he just knows I’m always right – ha!), and investing in new ways for growth that include all the things she helped me rightly see.
I took some major initial actions for change; things I never thought I’d do or needed (or at least talked myself out of), and in 2019, I will continue on this path.
It was the biggest lesson I learned in 2018, but I never, ever, ever want to be taught it again.
p.s. Tell me about your own biggest lesson learned.
You will heal. I will help.