Benched

Getting benched in sports is just a timeout.

It’s not a permanent removal, but for one reason or another, you are taken out of the game and benched temporarily.

This is not the post I thought I’d be writing post-Goonies Half Marathon, but I chose to write it because I have always remained very transparent with the women who follow this blog because they too battle IBS and/or IBD.

Angry Intestines

Perhaps my body knew something was up late last week. Elisabeth asked if I wanted to do girl’s night on Saturday night, and I responded, “No. I never make commitments the days I race because I never know how I’ll feel afterward.” And on Friday, while talking to Makenzie on the phone, she commented, “You seem quiet. Is everything okay?” I replied, “Yes, of course. I think I’m just trying to conserve all my energy for this race tomorrow since I just did one last weekend.”

I woke up Saturday morning for Goonies, and I was feeling great! Nothing was out of the ordinary. I have about a 3-hour pre-race routine I do every single time, and this routine allows me to walk to the starting line feeling 100% ready in stomach and mind.

I drove with my friends Tami and Susie, and the entire morning was lovely.

Even the weather was near perfect for racing. It was cold, but not too cold so that by the time I warmed up, it all felt very comfortable. The run itself was not easy, but you can never expect a half marathon climbing over 2,300 feet to be easy. And even though it wasn’t easy, I loved that course. It was tough with hard climbs, zig-zags, and lots of footwork. The mental aspect was challenging because it wasn’t just one large loop. Instead, the course was one loop you had to complete two times. I’m not a fan at all of those because once you reach the top the first time you know you have to do it all over again.

Nonetheless, 2:14:38 later, and I was done. That means for double the climb, it only took me about 16 minutes more than last week at Tarantula. I felt bummed because I only got 5th (out of 15) in my age this race, but then was much happier when I saw that I was 11th (out of 68) in overall female half. This was only the 4th trail race I have ever done, so immediately upon crossing the finish line I thought to myself, “What can I do during these next 2 weeks to practice more hills for the Diablo 30K?”

The thought was super short lived.

I grabbed some fruit, water, and a Paleo muffin immediately, and Tami, Susie, and another woman Amy and I decided we wanted a big breakfast. Somewhere between the finish line and breakfast starting, I told Tami I had “that sting in my stomach,” but that eating and a small nap would take it away. 

I ate a huge breakfast. I was the only one of us 4 who made the clean plate club – ha. I had baby potatoes, fruit, egg whites, and chicken apple sausage.

Shortly before the meal ended, my stomach started really hurting. Again, I thought, this always happens, so I just need to let my body rest and take a nap. 

I tried sleeping on the car ride home, but I couldn’t because the stomach pain started getting worse. I got home to my house around 2 pm, made myself throw up (because I was in so much pain), and laid down. But that didn’t help. I couldn’t get comfortable. I would rotate from side-to-side, then sit up, then go to my stomach, and start the whole thing over again. I tried taking a bath, I used a heating pad, Ryan made me a water/lemon/baking soda mixture, and I even tried tums. Nothing worked. My entire stomach felt like it was burning, then like someone was punching me. I threw up every chance I could. 

The next morning (yesterday, Sunday), I woke up around 5 am. The pain had subsided some around 3 am, I think. I felt hunger pangs, so I grabbed some bland Rice Chex (I couldn’t stomach anything else). I thought I was in the clear until shortly after eating several handfuls, the pain started again. I threw up and then rested until Ryan woke up. Because we had no clue what was wrong, and I felt scared, I drove myself to the ER (because there is no regular doctor open on a Sunday morning).

{Side Note: Why didn’t Ryan take me? Because I can deal with driving down the street with a puke bag in hand. Isaiah was still sleeping, and the struggle is real to corral all 3 children on a moment’s notice if it’s not life-threatening. I would give anything at this point to live near family. I’m. So. Over. It. Also, this is what I was talking about in Be Sick and Stay Home (just too bad they can’t make emergency calls!)}

They got me in right away, and I was happy because the ER doctor was someone I know and who I had hoped would be in the ER that morning (I even messaged him just prior to going). They gave me nausea and pain meds (and this is not the time to debate meds like this – I have said time-and-time again that there is a place for drugs and medication), and finally, after almost 24 hours, I felt at peace. 

They ran vitals, blood tests, and even x-rays (to make sure it wasn’t an appendicitis, something with my liver or gallbladder).

And in the end?

The “official” diagnosis was epigastric pain, but the doctor said he may have seen some enteritis, and felt that I needed an endoscopy for further investigation. Ironically, getting scoped was what Dr. Schweig has been telling me to take care of for probably a year or two now. 

The doctor (because he knows me and my history with gut stuff) said he didn’t think I have an ulcer (which is what we thought it likely was), but instead nerve related. He said the stress of that run triggered all sorts of things, but right now, without further investigation inside, we can’t know for sure.

I got my nausea and pain meds, and off I went. Again, not the time or place for debate about these meds because, even after getting them through an IV yesterday, once they wore off and I ate a little, the pain returned. Unreal. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

Benched

In August, I fell in love with trail running. But my motives for racing, racing, racing all the time were about much more than just that love for trail running. It’s so annoying that I have to still remain so quiet about the future, but running all these races is because of that. I set this goal of running like crazy in the mountains, and nothing was going to stop me.

Until Saturday, in the middle of the night, when I was in pain and misery, and I knew, deep down what had happened.

This sting, burning, and punching pain was not new to me. Since I started racing again last January, after every race or super hard long run, it would pop up. But I totally brushed it off because typically I would eat something and rest, and within an hour or two it would be gone. 

But I’m no idiot. I know things about the gut that some doctors don’t know. I am obsessed with it. And what I know, but never, ever, ever want to admit for my own self is that running and racing as I have been has totally and 1,000% stressed my insides out.

I don’t feel stressed. My energy levels are crazy awesome. And my mind-body-soul connection to physical activity is as good as anyone who is trying to reach the top.

But, at the end of the day, no matter how much I have healed my gut, I am not immune from relapsing or having “good things” trigger a reaction.

And that’s what happened on Saturday. That good thing that I love so much, called trail running up 2,300 feet at a decently hard pace was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I love running and the mountains and the competition of race so d#$% much, but I am not willing to reverse progress on all the hard work I’ve done healing my gut these past several years. I’m also not willing to be out for days when I have a family to take care of. I almost had to miss my big night at Disney on Ice with Samarah last night, and that would have made me feel horrible knowing that I missed out on that because of a self-induced flare.

So I’ve benched myself.

The biggest running goal I’ve ever set for myself was to do the Brazen Racing 30K up 4,254 feet on Mount Diablo in 2 weeks (November 4). I’ve benched myself for that race. I had then planned the Summit Rock half on December 9, and then finally the New Year’s Day half on January 1st, 2018. I will be benched for Summit Rock for sure, and at this point, I’m leaving January 1st up in the air. My goal is to do that one, but I will decide after my endoscopy.

Now What?

I feel so sad, if you want to know the truth.

2017 has been a year of doing things physically that I never thought possible! I have conquered (or am still conquering) a multitude of things by running in the mountains. And I have gotten so strong with hills and footwork, and even going downhill (compared to last year at this time).

This week will be mostly rest and recover, to make sure my intestines calm down. I’ll do walks, and maybe some light bodyweight work.

Next week I’ll get back to lifting.

And at some point in the next few weeks, I’ll return to walk/run/walk, but will max out at 5 miles for the next month or two (5 miles has never affected me).

I could never explain to an athlete with normal intestines what it’s like to train and conquer goals while living with all sorts of gut stuff. The battles are endless, but I also believe that’s what makes them worth doing – for me.

In fact, a friend I could just squeeze to death texted me yesterday, “I know that what you do in life is not easy for you. And that is what makes you so strong because you deal with all this and still try your hardest to push yourself to be your best. Please rest your body and don’t let this crush your spirits.”

None of these physical goals have been easy. Not even a little bit, but I maintain my staunch position on my blog and in my real life that there is always, always, always beauty in the dust. I believe that we have to make the best with what we’re given. We cannot make excuses for “why” something can’t be achieved. We can’t sit back and let life happen to us when we can make life happen.

I want to be this example for women – women who live with IBS and/or IBD, women who are “infertile,” and just women who otherwise might sit back to play the victim instead of a hero.

But today? Today I just want to be the example that you can be benched for awhile. 

And that’s totally okay, too.

Xox,
SKH