Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Four}

Mama is officially a mess today, sweet Sam. Happy birthday, Samarah {This is Four}.

I will never miss a year of doing this for you. This was one. This was two. And this was three. But each year I write it feels like a little more sting to the heart.

Today you turn four, and mama has so much to say to you.

You and mama always say, “Shhhhh……don’t tell daddy,” but for real baby angel face, don’t tell daddy this morning when he gets home that I may or may not have let you sleep with me in our bed when he was gone last night. 

I am trying my hardest to not let you get into that habit, but I’ve been mourning so many changes and you turning four today is kind of the kickoff to them all. I just had to have you right by me, so I could watch you fall asleep on your very last night as a three-year-old.

Happy Birthday, Samarah {This is Four}

About a week ago, a mother approached your daddy and said she just had to tell him how grateful she was for you. Her daughter was in the corner, playing alone and sad until you went over and played with her.

This story, although super short, has to be the first thing I share for your birthday post because it embodies every last piece of who you are.

You have the softest, kindest, and most loving heart and personality (even if you are starting to growl – goodness!).

My greatest hopes are coming true through you. The way you love, and the sweetness you extend is something I can’t even begin to describe.

You are a total daddy’s girl one minute and mama’s girl the next. You never want to hurt either of our feelings so you’re now constantly saying, “I love mommy and daddy.”

You are the mother hen to Isaiah and Amiya. Currently, you’re trying to help potty train Isaiah (helping him remove his diaper – poop and all) along with teaching Maya her ABC’s and how to eat anything and everything.

You have zero concepts of sleep. At night, you’d never go to bed if we’d allow it, and most mornings you’re up at 6 am or before.

You are Reagan’s biggest fan, and she adores you. You ask frequently when “Fiona can come home,” and I know you miss her. Mama does, too.

You love your babies, Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, Bubble Guppies, Mickey and his crew, all the princesses, and Team UmiZoomi.

You have two current favorite books, God Found Us You and Peanut Butter & Cupcake. In fact, we have read God Found Us You so much that I catch you “reading it to yourself” often…..”Mama, tell me again about the day I came home.” 

You are musically-inclined and creative. You have your own little guitar, and love singing along with your daddy when he plays his. Sometimes, you just want to give us a concert in the kitchen. You make up lyrics and strum the strings. I am overjoyed with your little voice singing.

Your favorite form of play is running around like crazy outside with Isaiah while daddy waters the yard. You run and run and run. You’re still not sure of your bike, but you’ve taken a new liking to gymnastics. The pool is your playground, as is the park, and most days you join daddy and me for early morning “mousekercizing.”

Each day when you get home from school, you run to my office area, hand me a flower you’ve picked, and say, “Here you go, Mama. I picked a flower for you.” Sometimes it’s just a Dandelion, but the innocence is priceless.

Your favorite foods are raw walnuts and almonds, Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips, mama’s bread (which you know how to make along with me), pizza, Cod Liver Oil (if that even counts as a food?!), whole milk, burgers with Yucca fries, ice cream (yellow – always Vanilla – sometimes plain, sometimes with sprinkles), mama’s breakfast “nice” cream, protein shakes with daddy, tortillas, and cake, cupcakes, and muffins. In fact, you love a lot of things, but you’d much rather just munch and nosh all day than sit down for a huge meal. You’re totally my child.

You love, love, love school, your teachers, and the all the kids there. At the end of the year last year when they told me how smart you are, I felt tears swell. Such beautiful reminders that even when you enter the world under less than desirable circumstances, totally remarkable, incredible, and miraculous things can happen.

If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a billion more times…..until my very last breath on this Earth – the ways in which I love you are something words can never do justice for. I don’t regret one moment of IVF because had it not been for that time, there would have been another child who would have come along before you, and YOU are the very best thing God put on this Earth, in His timing, for us to finally find. 

You are not just a miracle because you were born at 26 weeks and 4 days, just shy of 2.5 pounds. 

You are a miracle because of every last detail that God put into your life.

Today you are four, so fly little angel, fly (but stay close forever).

Xox,
Mama