Spoiler alert: The word that changed everything in Present Over Perfect was “no.”
So let’s just talk about this word, “no” for a few minutes.
I am confidently arriving at my right number of chairs because I am learning the power of no.
Mamas, I’m sure you’ve been told that you should not tell your child “no” so often. Articles like 10 Ways to Say “No” Without Saying No are common. The authors argue that ‘”using “no” too often can desensitize a child to its meaning, so save the word for life-threatening situations instead.”‘
The Word that Changed Everything
While the word “no” does, in fact, carry a negative connotation, I’m not sold on the idea that we need to make daily attempts with our children, and ourselves, for not using it.
Somehow prancing around the word with alternative words just doesn’t make sense to me.
When we prance around the word “no,” we keep all the carabiner’s attached, weighing us down, making the climb harder.
I used to be that person. “Well, I really want to help you with that, but, hmmmm….let me think about it and decide.” Or, “I’m not sure if I have enough time to….”
No just means “no,” and if I would have learned the power of saying the 2-lettered word with confidence earlier in life, I could have avoided so much stress and hassle because today when I use it, I still feel guilt.
The difference is that now I just say it and move on, “Unfortunately no, I cannot help with that right now.”
And trust me, I’m not just talking about saying no to helping people, “pro bono,” or any other I-should-do-this-because-it’s-the-right-thing-to-do” things. What I am learning is that sometimes we also have to say “no” to things that make us money, and bring us joy as well.
There will always be someone or something, a cause or an event, who really needs your help – paid or pro bono – it doesn’t matter.
But you will never be able to do the things in your life that matter if you don’t use the word that changed everything.
Question: How do you feel about the word that changed everything? Do you use “no” frequently? Do you feel bad when you do?
Xox,
SKH
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You will heal. I will help.
This resonates hugely with me. I have always struggled to say no, and when I do, the guilt weighs on me for sometimes many days. It’s tough, but I have gotten better at it. I do put a lot of thought into saying no, even when the obvious answer is no. It’s delivering the no that is often my biggest struggle. I am innately a helper and people pleaser. No is so hard.
I love this, Dana! But please…don’t let that guilt weigh on you for several days:)
Such a small word that carries so much weight! I have gotten better with saying “no”, without the guilt. I think it came from being a choir director for many years and learning to accept “no” from others without taking it personally.
I think it’s something we will constantly need to work on forever.