Don’t tell Ryan any of this stuff I’m about to share with you. Pinky swear?!
We don’t have the luxury of family within a 2,000-mile radius (desperately waiting to take our children while we have date nights) so we never get to do anything alone. But Easter weekend I decided that Ryan and I needed to get away for one night from the kids. Whatever it might cost wouldn’t matter, but 24 hours away, just he and I had to happen.
We left early afternoon on Friday and got back mid-afternoon on Saturday. And it was perfect.
Saturday morning when I woke up, I noticed an “event” on his phone which said, “Sarah and my anniversary.” I was confused because our wedding anniversary is November 1. Curious, I asked him about it. He sort of laughed, but said, “Oh that’s just an old notification for when we first started dating.”
Our dating anniversary is something I would never have kept all these years, but 10 years later and he did.
We talked briefly about that time in our lives, what we were doing, “how” we started dating and that it seemed like so long ago.
Don’t tell Ryan, but for me, it kind of feels like just yesterday.
Don’t Tell Ryan
Shortly after we got Isaiah, Ryan was traveling for about a week straight and I was in the thick of stress and high emotions. One morning I said on Facebook how I was “winning as a single mother.” Later that day, we were in urgent care for Isaiah and I mentioned on Facebook that I was “not winning as a single mother.”
My intentions were never to act like I do everything all by myself, but apparently it came off that way.
I’ve thought a lot about that ever since.
Don’t tell Ryan but I would never want to do this whole raising children thing without him, and don’t tell Ryan but even though he travels and is gone more than I’d like, I’d argue that he is more present with Isaiah and Samarah than most.
Please don’t tell him I told you this, but shortly before we got Samarah, I told him how wonderful I thought it would be if he took up playing guitar so that he could one day play for the babies. He went out, got himself a guitar, and plays it nightly. Samarah could never sleep at night, but he would play the guitar for her, and it always helped. He plays for both babies now, and they love it. I love it. The sweet country music makes us all (including him) so very calm and happy.
And if you promise not to tell him, I’ll share with you that he cooks and cleans and places an ‘x’ next to every single thing on a honey to-do list without hesitation. He is smart and thoughtful, patient and kind to every single person he meets. Those who know him in real life will attest to all of this in a heartbeat.
And really don’t tell him this, but he also gives me foot massages an average of 3 times per week. It’s legit. 🙂
I don’t write much about Ryan on my blog, and I also don’t show many pictures of him because this is not his thing. This is (also) not a relationship blog, but it is a blog where I share almost all aspects of my life….the good, the bad and the ugly.
I would be completely remiss if I failed to tell you these things I don’t want you to tell Ryan because they are a huge, huge, huge part of my life, our story, and my healing.
To know these things is to understand the other half, the better half, heck – the best half – of me. And to know these things is to understand how I have the motivation, desire, perseverance and ambition to do anything and everything my heart desires….because I have a #1 fan and a husband who lets me fly.
Please don’t tell Ryan all of these things.
I promise I will.
You will heal. I will help.