20/20 Aired an Adoption Controversy

20/20 recently aired an adoption controversy. You can learn all about it, and watch the video snippet HERE.

{This post is part of my 101 Days of Blogging series, inspired by Experience Life magazine’s 101 Revolutionary Ways to Be Healthy, authored by Pilar Gerasimo.}

Day 49: Look Beyond Unrealistic Role Models

Find your inspiration in people whose lives and goals have some relevance to your own. Also remember that most of the pictures you see of celebrities and fitness models have been extensively retouched. Revolutionary Act #49, powered by Experience Life

In short, 3 little girls were adopted by an ultra-conservative, deeply religious family. After what the family states was a nightmare (due to outrageous physical and emotional behaviors), they gave the girls away, aka “re-homing.”

Ryan and I watched it this past Saturday night together and we concluded that there is too much missing information to realize who is at fault and what really happened.

We also concluded that 20/20 did a horrible job in reporting the controversy. (For the record, we typically think they employ a neutral-based interview, and we love the show in general.)

But there were two major problems with this story….

Rash Decisions

The interviewer kept asking them why they so quickly took these 3 little girls in without knowing anything about them or their history.

This was a completely unfair question. When you adopt from the foster care system, you get a call overnight, and within a day to a few weeks the child(ren) can be placed in your home. When we got our call for Samarah we knew the following: her mother’s current state (not complete medical background), her ethnicity (although that was even inaccurate) and that she needed to leave the NICU the following day.

Ryan and I said “yes” immediately and so by these same tokens we “knew nothing about her.”

She was with us almost two years, and we still knew very little. We fully adopted her, and yet again, our knowledge of her past/family medical history is nil.

These are the chances you take, and people should not feel shame for these chances. (Again, I’m not talking about “re-homing,” I am talking about the interviewer so defensive as to why they made such a rash decision.)

Reactive Attachment Disorder (R.A.D.)

This is what the girl’s were diagnosed with. R.A.D. is a tragic disorder that can develop when a child’s basic needs for comfort and affection are not met. Listening to that little girl scream was horrible, and hearing about the accusation that another one of the girl’s stomped on the family’s pet guinea pig to death was also horrifying. Whether or not this was all true is not for me to decide.

I know that there are thousands of children in the foster care system, and children who get adopted that act out like this. I have heard these stories first hand, and my heart breaks a little more each time. If people only knew what has been done to so many children from birth, all our hearts would break a little more.

But I also believe that too many shows only show this side of the system, this side to adopting within the United States. The tragedy, then, is not what has been done to them (but yes, yes, yes  this tragedy), but that “no one wants them.” Can I just tell you how many people “cautioned us” about adopting through the foster care system? Not people who had done it themselves, but people who had heard these stories from shows like this.

Mainstream media has the general public afraid of “these” children.

But oh my God…..they need us desperately, and the love, hope and happiness they can bring to our lives is incredible.

National Adoption Month 2015

November is National Adoption Month, and here is what I know for sure….

Adoption via the foster care system has become my #1 passion. My life was changed by it. My life is about to be changed yet again by it. And I feel it deep down in my soul, with every inch of who I am that this is God’s calling for the rest of my life to come.

I aspire to be the positive person people can look to when they think of adoption via foster. You must know that there is another side to what mainstream media has us believing.

The proof is in the pudding. And by pudding, I mean this little angel.

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Photo: Jennifer Nace Photography

Xox,
SKH

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