My Heart was Made for This

I have been her mommy since this day, but in case you haven’t heard our news, on Friday, she becomes ours – forever. After this past weekend, nearly two years in, I am more confident than ever that my heart was made for my #1 title, #1 responsibility, #1 “job:” Mother.

We took Samarah to the park. That day, she had the sweetest little outfit on (a white, red/white/blue heart shirt and long, denim jean shorts with her red shoes). She was playing, we were watching. After a short amount of time, she went over to another little girl (whose parents were not watching). Sam looked at her as if to say, “Hello. Do you want to be my friend?” But in an instant, the little girl pushed her. Sam got a confused look on her face. I waited it out, while my heart hurt. She kept shoving her little-by-little, until I finally got up, went over and grabbed Sam.

There are not two sides to this story. That is exactly what happened, and I removed Samarah from the situation before she fell and got hurt or just cried out of frustration.

The day went on. All was well in our little Samarah’s world.

But my heart hurt for watching that. It was the first time I’ve ever really been scared to be Samarah’s mommy because the rejection to her felt like a stab to my heart, and I knew that that was the first of many times situations like that will occur.

I never, in a million years, knew how my heart’s existence would twist-and-turn over the every move, every waking moment of a child, of this child.

There have been so many days during these past 20 months where I have wondered if I would ever get this “Mothering” task down.

But this past weekend reminded me that I’ll never, ever have it down. Each month, year and stage of Samarah’s life will have a new challenge for me and for my heart.

Friday is likely to roll in a whole new set of emotions I never knew existed.

But on that day, she will be ours, officially, forever. And that puts my heart in a place that says, “Everything is going to be okay. We are going to love this little girl like crazy for the rest of her life, and no matter what, she will always feel loved and wanted.” (And also on that day, she will be rocking the cowgirl boots on the right – right on into the Judge’s den!)

Xox,
SKH

p.s. It’s going to be a big week on my blog (+ the A Loving Spoon Adoption Journey blog) this week. Tomorrow: “A Day in the Life.” Thursday: #20 gets crossed off this list (I am so afraid to show it, but I promised myself always that if we made it to this point on our adoption journey, I’d release it (and here we are!). Friday: You will meet Samarah Josephina Hoffman for the very first time! {Never miss a post: Sarah Kay Hoffman Bloglovin’, Sarah Kay Hoffman newsletter, A Loving Spoon newsletter}