Eight months ago I knew December would be a very hard month for me, for us. Until yesterday, I never knew it would be this hard.

The church was so beautiful yesterday. It was the first day of Advent. Five new eclectic trees were up; 3 green, 2 gold and all with jumbo stars on top (the antique stars my mother adores).

From the second I walked into the church, I was reminded of all the emotions last April brought. I stood there with my fully-caffeinated Starbucks coffee, skinny jeans and flat belly; all of which I wished last April to not have this month.

My heart was heavy as we sat down to hear the Pastor talk. Somehow, like God always does in my life, the message and the moments were exactly what I needed.

When You Feel Forgotten

In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly. But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in their years. (Luke 1:5-)

Eight Months Ago

My heart was pounding; a piercing stab really. I cannot explain it fully.

There are so many things I am thinking still today about what our Pastor said; so many things I will likely think about all month.

The truth is that I don’t even know where to start or how to separate these thoughts.

I can feel something working deep within me. This is also something I could never explain; it is the reason why I give and give and give…..

As I walked out of the church, I stopped by the “Pregnancy Resource Center Angel Tree.” I grabbed not one or two or even three, but instead four, ornaments, each with a different item the resource center needs this Holiday Season.

Eight Months Ago Angel Giving Tree Infertility sarahkayhoffman.com

Eight months ago I knew December would be a hard month for me, for us. In those few brief moments, all I could think about was gifting for a child already in this world; a child who needs the help, a child whose time it was to come into this world.

December 2012 was not supposed to be our time.

And all things, in their time, are beautiful.


Similar Posts


  1. Wow! I cried while reading this! My heart aches for you and Ryan! God has a plan for you! He loves you so much! We do not understand, but he does not ask us to. In time we will know his plan! Until than I pray hard for you and Ryan! I cannot think of anyone else more deserving of a child to love!

  2. As the director of a Pregnancy Resource Center, I want to say thank you. Thank you for turning your heart ache into a desire to help others. Thank you for being so open, so transparent. You truly are an inspiration!

  3. Such a beautiful post. Please keep the faith; my cousin tried for 6 yrs, with failed IVF, successful IVF and loss of pregnancy (twins), and then, now, she is 27.5 weeks pregnancy with a beautiful boy, completely naturally!! I said it must be because of timing…my brother and his wife had a baby in April, her sister had a baby in June, and I am 4 days away from my due date. Now all 4 cousins can grow up together. Six years ago no one had babies and he would have been solo. Sometimes it is all about timing. I never planned on having children, and God had a different plan for me. He has one for you too…and it includes this awesome website. Diet is highly correlated with pregnancy, and so your plight is not in vain. As an acupuncturist who works with fertility patients at times, I know how much of a physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual journey the road to pregnancy is…keep the faith, and if you ever need any advice on some fertility superfoods or anything else, I’d always be happy to chat. I’ve really admired your posts and spirit and know great things are in store for you!

    1. Thank you for the great thoughts, Jen! Trust me, I have done a ton of research and studying on “eating for fertility.” I do believe this is mostly about time. It’s just not ours yet.

  4. I randomly saw this post after signing up for your free e-book. I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband and I have been trying for a year with infertility treatments. It is such an emotional roller coaster. Every cycle has it ups and down. I have not done much reading it, so if there is anything you found helpful, let me know. My mom is in the field so she has been a great resource. I am praying for you!! XO, MELISSA

    1. Thank you so much, Melissa! I will proclaim “helpful” once I’m preggos:) Until then, it’s a lot of theory and holistic ways of thinking for me! xo

Comments are closed.