Today’s Gutsy feature is ‘Fake It Till You Make It Why She’s a Gutsy Girl.’

My intro notes: Steph is a dear friend from back in the homeskillet, MN. I only really know her as Steph Hoy, so writing “Bartelt” seems off. She introduced me several, several years ago in her bedroom upstairs to some original Dolly Parton hits. We were always jammin’ to the latest and greatest – ha 🙂 I won’t lie, when I got to paragraph 5 of her story, I had tears. Wanting to be a mommy is a hard place to find yourself. As it continues to haunt me, I can’t help but have a little piece of my heart fall, knowing that there are so many who actually are “with child,” but then lose them. And with that, meet Stephanie Bartelt.

Fake It Till You Make It Why She’s a Gutsy Girl

While thinking about “Why I am Gutsy,” I continue to feel I am not quite there. I have always had issues with loving myself or even believing in myself. Why, you ask? I have no idea! I grew up with very loving parents, and one brother who I have always considered to be my 1st best friend. Perhaps I mainly wanted to be a guest today to hold myself accountable. For the first time in 10+ years I have goals for MYSELF!

A little about me.

I never went to college mainly due to “taking a year off” after high school. Instead, I got a job and started making small amounts of money, and I was not willing to give that up. I fell in love and married my high school sweet heart shortly after graduating. His name is Nick, and he has been my best friend for the last 14 years.

The only job I have ever truly wanted was to be a mother, so Nick and I decided to start our family a few months after our wedding. In August of 2005 we welcomed our 1st daughter, Ella. October of 2007 came Brooke, and February of 2010 our final princess Claire made her entrance into this crazy world. Sounds pretty simple, right? Not exactly.

It was an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. In the end I had been pregnant a total of 6 times in 5 years. With all of the miscarriages and unwanted advice from the doctors to take it easy on my “mommy” goals I would NOT give up. Due to this, and complicated pregnancies, I made a drastic decision to finally be done having babies after Claire. This was a hard choice, but I knew it was the best choice for our situation.

Miscarriage

With each pregnancy and each miscarriage I lost/gave up a piece of ME.

Some may think I am crazy, but I devote every waking hour of every day to my girls. I would give my life for them in a heartbeat. In doing this, I have taken more and more away from myself to the point that it has become very unhealthy.

I love my children and do not wish for my life to be any different. But I am learning that I need to love me, too. I need to make time for myself. It is not acceptable to not eat breakfast or lunch, or even shower until bed time.

Small Changes

I started making changes….baby steps. I go out running/walking every evening before they go to bed. Can you guess what happened the first time I did this? Right –> they stood at the door and cried and waved good-bye to me as if they were never going to see me again. Seriously…get a grip! I only went down to the stop sign and back…they could see me the whole mile.

I have noticed they respect me a little more, though, now that I am taking time for myself. Maybe it’s because I am respecting myself enough to know that I need this time away, even if it is only 20 minutes.

I want to be that positive female role model in their lives, and I also want to prepare myself appropriately for the day when they do not need me as much.

Last fall, I came to this devastating realization. Ella, our oldest, was  “extremely ‘cited” for a KidsK she was going to be running in. She did it, and smiled the entire time. I loved watching her, and at the finish line with big puppy dog eyes she asked me if I was going to be running in the 5K that “ALL the other mommies” were doing. I, of course said, “ummm…no! Do you want me to die!?!” Miss Smarty Pants replied, “Mommy, you won’t die from running, but you might if you don’t start!” I will never forget those words.

I started running, and this year I will run that 5K. In June, I completed the Warrior Dash. It was not completely in record time, but I finished. I did not die. I felt amazing!

Am I gutsy? Kind of, but in due time – most definitely.

I am determined. My girls are my everything. They deserve to have their mommy watch them grow old. They deserve to have a good example on how to be healthy. If they were ever ill or hurt due to my lack in making healthy decisions for them while they were young, I would be devastated. They deserve a fighting chance. And let’s be honest; I want all of my girls to be proud enough of me to pick me out in the crowd when they are in high school and say, “Hey, that’s MY mom!”

Xox,
SKH